on temporizing || Dream SMP Timeloop Fic

Chapter 33

161. (inspired by Sh00k, hexx, and ori)

This loop had started early.

Dream and Tommy had taken one look at the (fairly) untouched SMP and decided to go full Chaos™. The other members of the server had needed about a month or so to adjust to the sudden glittery precipitation and the casual defiance of all known laws of physics, but they came around eventually. Even the newer members were adapting at a decent rate, guided by server veterans.

Unfortunately, neither Dream nor Tommy had considered the possible ramifications of making Chaos™ the normal baseline. Nor had they considered the possibility of non-loopers out-Chaos™-ing them. Hence, neither were prepared to face the current situation.

"That," said Tommy, "is not a cake."

Tubbo, Niki, and Ranboo fixed him with identical blank stares. "Looks like a cake to me," Tubbo said.

"That is not a cake," Tommy repeated. "You-- do you not see the reality fuckery it's-- holy shit, is that the fifth dimension?"

Niki beamed, all sunshine and innocence. "Tubbo did a good job with the decoration!"

Because of course Tubbo would decorate a cake with a fucking spatial anomaly. Just looking at the monstrosity was giving Tommy a headache. "What the fuck," was all he could say. "How the fuck."

"Potato battery and a rigged dimensional window," Tubbo chirped. "Completely edible, don't worry!"

"Do you want a slice?" Ranboo held up a glowing butter knife. Probably the one Dream had given Niki for her birthday. "It's got a lot of frosting, but the cake is actually--"

"No way in hell. That thing can kill god. I'm not takin' a bite of it."

As one, the trio paused. Niki frowned, brow furrowing with contemplation. ". . . Kill god?"

"Kill god," Tubbo echoed thoughtfully. A wide grin spread across his face. "Wait, this cake could kill god."

It was at that moment that Tommy knew. He fucked up.

~~~

Dream practically squeaked the last syllable of the incantation, his lungs unable to provide air for the words. In this case, though, breathing had been sacrificed for haste. Containing this mess took precedence over basic life functions.

XD appeared in a swirl of green robes and reality-breaking geometry. Dream didn't even wait for him to finish manifesting before he blurted, "PleasefortheloveofPrimestophim."

XD stared at him. Or, well, gave the impression of staring. It was difficult to tell when he didn't have eyes. ". . . What?"

Dream tried to speak, realized his lungs had deflated into 2D, and was forced to indulge his mortal limitations before he spoke again. "Ranboo's turning everything into dried spaghetti. I don't know why or how, but you have to stop him!"

XD didn't visibly move, but something in his aura twitched like a spooked cat. Dream stilled, eyes narrowing before snapping wide with realization.

". . . You didn't."

XD remained silent.

"You didn't," Dream repeated, horror creeping into his voice. "Please tell me you didn't."

The air around XD grew heavier. Dream got the distinct impression that the deity was sulking.

"What the fuck," he breathed. "What even. . . how. . ."