I Care a Little Bit - Rant Book Part 3

may 2024 incomplete

"who made you so cavalier? / go ahead, stay inside, i'll keep on living out here / pay no mind to all your hot takes and your trivial shit / in the big picture, it's irrelevant / hope your high horse throws you into a ditch / yeah, i can forgive but karma never forgets / yeah, i can forgive, but baby, karma's a bitch." 

- "high horse" by taylor acorn 

[written may 2024] 

damn, i have not been updating here lmaooooo

i didn't end up going to see taylor acorn at the concert that saturday because it ended up being the same day as my twin's graduation party, so that took precedent. i was bummed, but glad i chose to stay with my twin for the day. plus, there's a chance for me to see her open in october (not sure if i'm going to that or not), and she announced her debut album is dropping september 13th, so there's a good chance another headlining tour coming soon! 

besides, i'm stacked for concerts for the rest of the year: next week (the day after my 22nd birthday!) i'm going to the Summer School tour to see Scene Queen (second time seeing her!!!), Stand Atlantic, and Honey Revenge - super stoked for that. in august i'm seeing halestorm and i prevail. then in october i'm seeing icon for hire (forth time seeing them!!!) and halocene on the same night! and towards the end of october i'm seeing sabrina carpenter for the second time for her short 'n sweet tour! i'm super excited for all of it. 

anyways, i started my first big kid actual job and have been working for around three (?) months now. i've designed alot of stuff, been making some progress on social media, attended a conference to sell fire stations, done a bunch of research, acted as photographer, and alot more. it's been wild but fun (and looonnnggg) so far. i love my job and i'm very excited to do it, but the 8am-5pm days monday through friday are kinda kicking my austistic ass. burn out is real. and the exhaustion was so bad the other night that i felt it in my bones. it was strange. 

i have a journal - well, more than one, actually because i filled up the first one - that i bring back and forth to my office that i use to write in when i need a "brain break" from work. it's been a great way to let out a lot of the feelings and stuff i've been keeping in, cause there's been some stuff going on. but it's been very helpful, and it's probably why i haven't been updating this rant book much since landing the job. 

i wrote like a full front-and-back 12 pages about some drama that went down with my brother and his ex-girlfriend because oh my god it was crazy. but i'm not sure i can in good conscious put it all in here, privacy and stuff, you know? 

i also wrote a lot of pages about mom and the whole lawsuit situation that went down with her - i have a draft part of this rant book entitled "the lawsuit" that explains everything that happened with that, it's just not finished/published yet. i'll get to it eventually. maybe i'll get to some stuff with my brother later, depending on how i feel. 

lately i've just been trying to find my "new normal" within the job world. i still live with my family, building up money for a car and a place of my own, and it's nice to not have to pay so many bills (my student loan payments started today UGHHH) so i have some extra spending cash. i've been buying a lot of halloween/spooky/horror stuff for me - some for my office, some clothes, some random stuff i just like for fun. my office is starting to really come together and look like it's mine with all the decor i'm getting. and i just really like retail therapy. Glamlite, a new favorite makeup company of mine, dropped a limited edition "Good Guys" Chucky inspired collection and i bought the whole thing when it dropped because it made me happy. i'm learning to surround myself with my special interests in "adult" and "subtle" ways - something i probably won't do much when i have my own place - so i can scratch the special interest itch my brain has.