The Fall: Mehlo'Amanzi

Chapter Two : Later that day...

'How did you find me?' I was stunned to find Vuyiswa at Burger's stairs. I hid myself in the quietness of that second floor with no one else to find me.

'It was not easy,' she confessed. She continued to peel the skin off her banana. 'You want some?'

I nodded. She broke it in two and gave me the other half. 'Thank you,' I said.

'I'll probably bring an orange next time,' she smirked.

The corner of my eyeball glanced at her. She was so beautiful. Something about her aura was so pure and precious. Her energy was welcoming. I felt safe with her. Her presence brought me some sort of comfort that I had not received from anyone in that toxic school.

'Shouldn't you be with your friends?'

'You are my friend too.'

My eyebrows slightly raised in a high, curved reaction. None of my other school "friends" ever considered to check up on me during lunchtime. Not even a single 'hi' if they ever walked past my spot. But Vuyiswa gave me her time. She wanted to get to know me. Another way for her to be comfortable around me so we could further build our friendship.
The first thing we bonded over was music. It was on the 16th of March when I set up a Playlist for her to listen to after she had quite a long day.

'Just downloaded all the songs. You're literally the sweetest person on earth, the most I've come across. I named the Playlist after you,' she replied. It was at 09:44.

In return she set a Playlist for me to listen to. Old school R&B, sounded like White people music. Different from my music taste but still sounds pretty good and refreshing.

'Sometimes you teenagers do not use your brains to think properly,' Lucky's voice sounded distant to my ears. I snapped out of my deep thoughts to lend him an ear, 'you cannot just wake up and decide to kill yourself. Sometimes we do not get things that we want. That is just life. You just have to accept it and move on.'

I tilted my head back and my eyeballs slowly rolled to my right side. Maybe if it were a different day, I would have smacked some sense into his big head. Except I stared at him, defeated.

'Stop the car,' I calmly said.

He frowned. 'What?'

'I want to get out. Stop the car,' I repeated.

He pulled over on the side of the road. 'How will you get home?'

'I will walk,' I replied then slammed his door.

I watched Lucky drive away. Tension on my throat was arising. I could almost choke on my own saliva. My chest... unexplainable pressure above my breast. Have you ever felt like something is squashing your heart? And it is getting so suffocating for you to breathe? Waze wai limaza inhliziyo yam uVuyiswa.
I needed my mother. I needed the woman who birthed me to tell me everything is going to be okay, and that we will get through this together as a family. Instead, she said--

'Oh, honey. I cannot just drop work and come home to nurse your feelings. Drink water mixed with sugar, you'll be fine,' I expected this response. But I was also hoping to hear something different.

I come from a broken family. Affection and words of affirmation were so foreign to us. A hug from friends even felt abnormal to me. But things were different when I was with Shaun. He made me feel less damaged. He saw me. Like... really saw me. Sometimes two broken people come together to bind each other's wounds.

'The city lights look really pretty tonight,' I admired them. They were afar from an open field.

'They look the same,' he responded. Then there was silence. 'Are you ever gonna talk about it, Phi?'

I sighed. Then shook my head. 'It is alright,' he added.

I rested my head on his shoulder. I whispered, 'do you have a joint?'

He was too stunt to speak. 'Sweetheart, your brother would kill me.'

'I will not tell him. Will you?'

He did not want to. I could see it in his eyes that he was uncomfortable. But I needed something to help me sleep that night.
Later that night, I saw her. Staring at me. At first, I thought it was a ghost, coming in a bad spirit. But how could it be? It was an familiar spirit. Although I could not see her face clearly, I knew I had been paid a visit by one of my own. I just had to welcome its presence.

'Vuyiswa?' I whispered. Her fingers moved an inch. 'Vuyiswa?' I repeated, louder. 'Is that you?'

Finally, she ripped that mask off her face. I saw pain beneath her beauty. Her scars were still wounded. Her flesh bled inside. She introduced me to a side of her that I - and probably no one else - had not seen before. It was draining. Exhausting. Somber. It was better looking at it from the outside than having it transfer into my energy. I remember how it felt. A sharp stab struck into my sensitive organ to the left of my breastbone. It was pressured. It ached. Emotionally suffering, but I bet it was nothing close compared to how she felt before she unalived herself.

'Vee... Can I comfort you?'

She sobbed. Then wept. Her loud cries pierced through my heart.

'Vuyiswa, please,' my voice cracked. A river of tears poured down my cheeks. 'Let me hold you.'

Each step I took closer to her, she took away from me. She resisted. She did not want to be helped, to be comforted. It was not until I snapped out of that nightmare that I came to the realisation that it was too late to help her. She was already gone.
I woke up with tears in my eyes. In my hand, I still carried my phone. I fell asleep on my chats with Vuyiswa. I continued to read.

'That is why most of the time, I am suicidal,' Vuyiswa let me know about her suicidal attempts nine minutes into our friendship. This conversation was from the night of February 27th, 'I never really care because no one will actually miss me. Sorry for over-sharing. No one has ever asked me or talked to me about it.'

'I care, Vuyiswa. You can tell me anytime about anything weighing you down.'

'Are you sure? If you heard my story, you would even rethink being friends with me. I always thought people hate me, despite me...but you make me feel like I am worth something.'

'You are, Vee. I always liked you so much.'

'You feel different. The good kind of different. Where have you been all my life?'

'Uh. Hiding?' I added a laughing emoji.

'Lord knows I love you so much already. Do not ever leave my hand, hey?'

I promised not to. Eventually, there came a day when I did. God, I wish I never acted upon Sasa's advice. What if I could have done something to save Vuyiswa?