The Fall: Mehlo'Amanzi

Chapter Eight : Who Is K?

The first boy I ever gave my heart to. What a risk; to suppress scrambling the idea of examining happiness and surrendering to a promised, definite love. It is so easy to fall into the deception of accepting empty promises of a love story lasting for eternity, yet chances, are if this boy knew me - and I mean, really knew me - he'd understand why I doubted genuine love I had not capitulated to receiving before.
Meeting him was like finding a missing piece to the puzzle of my soul. Your first love is like a dream you cannot wake up from. His breath exhaled air into my life. His scent stained my clothes, marking his absence for me to remember. It was his presence that caused a delusion for me to believe that his voice sounded like a comforting instrumental song at the end of a sad movie. For the love of music was an art that strengthened our bond. Lyrics spoke the right love language our lips could not utter. Sometimes love is indescribable to express with words. Writing love messages on little pieces of colour papers, folding the notes into a square-shape and putting them inside a jar for him to receive a warm rush of romance he probably yearned for; was another way of me saying the words, 'I love you.'
A beautiful area filled with green grass, variety of flowers and a bunch of trees covering the merry-go-round and swings is the least expected place to see two love birds holding hands and chasing after the sunset every Friday afternoon. But what if I told you I brought him to the park to heal his inner child in ways words cannot delineate, the same way I was not ready to tell him about my childhood traumas? Who wants that perfect love story, anyway? Uh, me. But if I told him all about my fears and traumas, desires and temptations, would his love for me deepen? You could be with someone, sure, but are you really with them if you feel excruciatingly alone? You cannot begin to imagine what's going on in someone else's head. The last sin I'd ever commit, is to bleed on someone who did not cut me. But he did not think twice before betraying our love and breaking our pinky promises, when he took all we had built and threw it out the window to make room for someone else.

'How could he move on so fast?' I wondered. Vuyiswa and I took a stroll around the corridors after our June CAT theory paper. 'What about the time I cheered him up on his birthday after he cried on my lap about having a bad day? Did that mean nothing to him?'

'Obviously, it did,' Vuyiswa answered. 'Listen, you gave enough love to this boy, okay? He's honestly a piece for shit for choosing someone else over you.'

'In just of a couple of days, also? Wow,' I sighed. 'We didn't even get to finish watching the Never Have I Ever series,' I added.

'We still could,' she assured me. Her arm covered my shoulder, 'I'm moving to the hostel soon. We could even binge-watch Euphoria and eat popcorns.'

I sulked, 'his favourite Euphoria character was---'

'God, no. Don't tell me this is your first heartbreak.'

'And it's taking a troll on me. I feel like shit!'

Vuyiswa sighed as she rolled her eyes. 'Phindi, calm down. Let it all go. The best way to forget about someone is to replace them with someone else.'

'Says the person who wrote their ex a whole double-page letter filled with insults then at the end said, 'I love you,' I scoffed.

She scratched into her scalp, 'maybe that's what real love is. You know when you date, break up, date, break up--'

I frowned. 'What? No. That sounds even more complicated. What's with this generation, glorifying toxicity?'

'It's all part of the game,' Vuyiswa shrugged her shoulders. 'These days, you either play or get played,' she added.

'Right? I guess going back to your ex is perfectly normal and considered as true love?'

'Yes,' she answered and I heavily sighed. She then folded her arms, 'rather the devil you know than the devil you don't know.'