Cool about it [MINWON]

𝘖𝘩.

Lee Seokmin is a sunshine.

And Wonwoo fucking hates him for that.

"Im gnna go to the toilet."

He whispered to Cheol, this one gave him a tap on the shoulder. Wonwoo dragged his body to the restroom,he wasn't drunk or anything like that, but he wasn't too sober either, because when he got to the bathroom and washed his face, he felt the sudden urge to cry.

He hated him.

He did.

Hated the way Mingyu looked at him with such love eyes, like if he was seeing the embodiment of warmth. Hated the way he talked and laugh so freely without even having to think twice. Hated the jokes he made, the way he sat, the way he breathed. And he hated himself for the way that Lee Seokmin had him smiling since the moment he entered the room. Because, for god's sake, how could he hate him?

How could he have the guts?

"Wonwoo, everything alright there?"

He ran to the toilet.

There are humble moments in life, like when your best friend has to help you vomit in a public toilet, and then wipe your face like a baby who has eaten alone for the first time. And then you obviously start crying, apologizing for being so extremely worthless and selfish, and how you know you don't deserve any of the relationships you have and that haunts you at night. Then the fact that you can't hate an amazing, kind guy sends you into a panic attack because you would really give everything to be able to and you don't even know why. And in the end you cry just to cry, because you are yourself and you will never be able to change that.

Humbling.

"Shh, its okay. I understand you."

Wonwoo let himself be rocked by Jeonghan, soaking his sweater in tears and snot, sitting on the cold, dirty floor. He made a mental note to throw his clothes in the washing machine as soon as he got home.

"I-I dont know whats wrong with me, im sorry...im so-so sorry..."

It wasnt rare for Wonwoo to cry, he did cry a lot actually, and he knew he was one of the fews that have ever see him like this. Especially during his high school days, Jeonghan would check the bathrooms in every class change, scared that Wonwoo would be alone there, hiding and crying. It got worse when he started having panic attacks, and hiding and crying became the best scenario.

They weren't good times.

"I can't do this, Han, i can't..."

"It's okay, we will do what we can. Just breathe." He muttered calmly, caressing his hair.

"Im so sorry for everything, you shouldn't have come- i was so, so bad with you."Wonwoo went into that phase of being drunk and crying where you start choking on your own hiccups, the other boy had to remind him to breath regularly.

"I know. We both have said ugly things to each other, and it hurt. And thats okay." Jeonghan mentally followed the rhythm of a lullaby, swaying slightly, Wonwoo's muffled words against his shoulder were translated as "I didn't mean it."

His chest felt tight with guilt. "I know. I didn't mean it either."

"You do."

Jeonghan breathed deeply, and shaked his head slighty. "I know i don't."

And he didn't, in fact. Jeonghan was also human, and that's what humans usually do, say things they don't mean to people they really do love and care about. Then regret it, cry about it, call them an infamous number of times, then cry again while telling your boyfriend what happened, and then end up looking for your best friend in a dozen bars because you feel like you will die if you don't apologize immediately.