Doppel Chills

Chapter 4: Awake in a Dream

I was driving in the middle of traffic coming from a long day of work, feeling exhausted, hungry, and annoyed. One of the vehicles was trying hard to overtake in front of me, and it made me angry, so, I held down my horn for at least a few seconds to let the driver know how stupid his driving was. That's when he rolled down his window and angrily signaled me to roll down mine. I gave in to my short temperament and did the same. We had a short altercation, cussing each other, and even tried to throw an empty soda can at him. After a while of bickering, the traffic lights went green, and he rolled back his window up, still the vehicles were barely moving. 

After a never-ending traffic, I reached home at 9 pm. Thinking that I wasted my time on the road instead of relaxing at home, I was almost ready to throw everything and just quit my job. I removed my shoes and shirt and made myself comfortable on the sofa. I turned on the TV and the PlayStation. I started playing horror games, instead of checking up on my wife and 6-year-old daughter. 

"You're home." My wife's greeting. 

"Ya. What's for dinner?" I answered with a short glance at her.

"Dinner? You're late, I thought you had your dinner already?"

Her response made me a little more annoyed than I already was. "You didn't cook dinner? What have you been doing at home all day?" I said condescendingly.

"Huh?! I just asked you a question, you didn't have to be such a jerk. For your information, I cleaned the house, did the laundry, took care of our child, and dumped the garbage you didn't throw out this morning. How hard can it be to show some appreciation?"

"Appreciation?" I paused my game. "I've been working my ass off the whole freaking day! Had a 10-minute lunch break for goodness sake, while my boss was shouting at me! Wasted my whole damn 3 hours for that traffic, and this is what I get for it? No dinner and on top of that, you nagging me about that small trash that I forgot to throw because I was late for work!"

She just stood there with a hurt expression on her face looking at me with a hint of tears in her eyes. I just thought that she doesn't understand how I feel as well and it's unfair that she gets to use crying as an excuse to be the victim whenever we fight. I resumed my game and completely ignored my wife's pained expression like it had nothing to do with me. She walked off towards the kitchen for a few minutes and came back carrying a hot meal.

"Here..." She said with a shaking voice, trying to hold back her tears. "I've been waiting for you this whole time so we can eat together..." She put down the meal in front of me. I just gave it a short glance while I saw her wiping her tears in my peripheral vision. I pretended not to see her crying and just kept playing my game.

"If you have time, at least tuck in your daughter before you rest, I will prepare the pillow and blanket for you out here. I don't think I can sleep with you tonight." 

I kept my silence until she went back to our room, feeling stupid for saying those harsh words to her. I didn't want to admit that I was out of line and needed to apologize. I decided to cool my head off before going to her. I wanted to hug her and apologize, but I also wanted her to understand my situation. We have been married for 8 years, I could say that our marriage and how we treat each other was far different than how we treat each other now. I realized how much sacrifice she had made for me, I felt more guilt eating me up inside. I rubbed my face with my hands and rested the back of my head on the backrest of the sofa. Suddenly, I felt a small movement beside me, and I thought my daughter was still awake. Without removing my hands, I spoke.

"Sorry, Daddy's a little bit late today." I felt her little hand gently landed on my lap.

"Daddy..." She called. I didn't bother to face her because I was worried about the face that I was making. I didn't want to face my daughter like this. I felt that she removed her hand from my lap.