Gangsters Don't Cry: Edgar X Muffet

The Robbery

Everything seemed totally routine. As Edgar drove the van, Charley and Barely were in the backseat cracking jokes and just having a good time. But while the two of them seemed rather hyped for the robbery, Edgar felt very nervous.

He didn't care about obtaining money or the thrill of the upcoming police chase that was bound to happen. Those were things he used to enjoy, but now he was looking at the world with a different perspective. And...why? Because he got his cherry popped by a really cute lady?

Well, no. There was more to that. She wasn't just any lady. She was...everything to him. In the few months that Edgar had known Muffet, he had felt an ever-growing feeling of protectiveness and love for her, which was something he had never experienced before.

And more than anything, he just wanted to get back safe and alive to her.

"Alright, boys. Let's rock the place!" Charley barked, sliding open the side door of their van. Barley was right behind. Edgar hesitated for a moment before ripping off his seat belt and bolting after the others.

They ran through the doors of the bank and immediately started firing into the air with their Tommy guns. People screamed and cowered as they fell to the floor, covering their heads. Charley marched up to the terrified bank teller, barking orders at him. "PUT THE MONEY IN THE BAG! PUT IT IN!!!"

The bank teller obeyed, shakily scooping handfuls of cash into the burlap sack before him. Barley kept his own gun trained on some nearby security guards. So far, so good.

As the bag was finally filled with money, Charley turned to face the others. "Let's ditch this joint!" As they ran for the door, the bank teller lifted a shotgun, aiming it straight at the Butcher Gang's leader.

Time seemed to slow down for Edgar. His heart almost exploded in a mixture of fear and anger. "CHARLEY!" he screamed, throwing himself against his friend right as the gun went off.

A hot, searing pain burned on Edgar's right side. Some kind of warmth spread all over the top of him, and his ears were ringing. Eyes squeezed shut, he could vaguely make out the muffled shouts of Charley and Barley as they yanked him into their arms and ran for the van.

As his hearing started to adjust, he slowly opened one eye, afraid of what he might see. Red coated his two friends, but seeing the panicked way Charley threw himself into the driver's seat and put the van in gear, Edgar knew the blood didn't belong to either of them.

"Edgar! Edgar, can you hear me? Look at me, Edgar! Stay with me!" Barley was almost sobbing as he put pressure on the gaping hole in the spider's side. The sailor had torn his own shirt off to stop the bleeding.

'This wasn't supposed to happen...I was supposed to come back safe to her...' Edgar thought weakly, his vision blurring in and out of focus.

Charley drove like a madman, narrowly preventing himself from hitting cars as he evaded the police. He swore multiple obscenities as he did so, occasionally glancing back to look at Edgar.

In all their years of holding places up, nothing like this had ever happened. Nobody had ever pointed a gun at the Butcher Gang...nobody had ever severely injured them...until now.

"Holy shit, Edgar...you saved my life..." This realization seemed to hit Charley in a way that made him almost burst into tears. Edgar had never seen him and Barley like this, crying and worrying over him. "We...we gotta get you to a doctor."

Barley hugged Edgar close, rocking back and forth. "You're gonna be okay, just stay awake. Come on, Edgar."

Edgar's eyes drooped, shivering from the cold and the pain. "No," Barley whimpered. "No, buddy! Please!"

As Edgar passed out, memories passed in front of his vision...old memories. One was of him as a spiderling, roaming the streets hungry and alone. He totted along a little toy duck on a string. Heh, he still had that damn thing to this day. And...and Charley and Barley found him. They were much younger then...and they just picked him up and carried him into their hideout. They fed him and put a blanket over him...and he stayed with them ever since.

Edgar smiled at the memory. 'I can't just die. Not like this. I can't leave them or Muffet like this. I need to fight'. And with that, Edgar fought the urge to fall asleep and focused on the pain to keep him awake.

               *******************

Officer Undyne was dispatched to the Everytown bank that morning to investigate what appeared to be a bank robbery gone violent. None of the people inside the bank were hurt; from what she heard on the security guards' reports, it was one of the robbers who got blasted by a shotgun.

Unfortunately, the other cops had lost sight of the van and were returning to base. But even if the robbers had left behind no prints, they did leave a blood trail...and maybe by gathering a few samples, they could run the blood through the criminal databases and see what turned up.

"Officer Undyne?" Deputy Nabstablook nervously asked as he floated up.

She turned to face him. "Report, deputy."

The ghost said, "According to the witnesses I've talked to here, um...they said they recognize the robbers..."

Undyne raised an eyebrow. Huh. Guess she didn't need to overcomplicate things after all. "Oh...well, what did they say?"

"They're uh...they're called the Butcher Gang, and...they've been doing this sort of thing for years it seems. But...nobody's been able to catch them so far, so..."

Undyne barked a short "ha" as she slipped on some shades, squeezing her hands against the leather of her fingerless gloves. "Nobody, huh? Well...we'll see about that. I'll handle this..."

(Note: after months of writer's block, I just kind of made this up as I went along.)