𝒊𝒏𝒗𝒊𝒔𝒊𝒃𝒍𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 (Captain America x Male Reader)

001.

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Journal Entry

This feels stupid to be doing, but Sasha thinks this will be a good way to channel my emotion since I don't want to talk about them. I mean, who would want to listen to it and most of it only happened last year. They probably wouldn't even know where to start, you had me being kidnapped when I was young, then me being trained as a killer assassin, then me being on the run for years and then all the stuff from last year. After being told all that, they'd probably drop me as a client because who wants to deal with all that because even I don't, but again Sasha says it's not good for me to bottle it all up.

Speaking of last year, it's been a year since I last saw Steve and I miss him more every day that I'm not with him. Believe me, leaving him was the last thing that I wanted to do, and it wasn't an easy thing to do and it broke my heart doing it. But with everything that was going on  and finding out I was linked to HYDRA, left me with a lot of questions that the only people that could answer were now dead. And the main question that kept running through my brain over and over day and night was.. Who was I before all of this? Who was the real Y/N L/N?

Before all of it, before I was kidnapped and trained to become a killer assassin. Where did I live? Who are my parents? Did they look for me? Are they still looking for me? Or did they have another kid and just replace me?. And I needed to find this out, and I knew Steve would have helped me if I asked, but he had his own things he needed to focus on and I didn't want to distract him. With the help of Fury, before going back into hiding, he was able to find out that Pierce didn't work alone in the Kill Room.

There was also someone else, someone above Pierce with more power, someone that I need to find and soon. Fury also gave me backup, and that backup being Sasha, who had been working for S.H.I.E.L.D. the whole time of our friendship. And the whole working in a hospital was just a cover up, which made me think about what else she was lying about. It also made sense about why a missing person report was never sent in for me because she knew where I was... well not exactly where but ya know what I mean.

A part of me wants to be mad at her for lying to me, but again I wasn't entirely truthful either so I couldn't be too mad. She told me that Fury had sent her to keep an eye on me, and when we actually became friends, she felt guilty every day and wanted to tell me. But Fury said it would ruin the plans for me, and when I asked what plans, she told me didn't know because Fury kept them top secret. So Sasha and I began to look deeper to see if there was anything that we could find about my past.

But of course, she would bring up my future, and that being happy with Steve, and when this is all over that I need to go back to him. She would tell me that I should reach out to him and let him know that I was okay and that I still cared about him, but I really didn't know if that was a good idea. The last time I had reached out to Steve was about me leaving, what if he was angry at me for leaving, or worse had moved on and didn't care or think about me at all. But I needed to focus on myself, and maybe worry about all that on a later day.

Sasha suggested maybe talking to Sharon since she was now working with the CIA, and probably have an easier time finding stuff out. She agreed to help of course but on one condition, and that was that I let Steve know that I was okay. It hurt not hearing back from Steve, but it's what i deserved and I just needed to move on a swell. So I did... and got nothing back, and then a couple of days passed and still nothing. So we pushed forwards and within a couple of days, she got back to me with the name of someone they believe could be tied to all of it.

The  person we were now looking for was called Dr. List, there wasn't much information on him. We did find out that he also had a location in New York, so with a bit of digging and one of the files that someone stupidly left lying around, I found out that he had a base in Sokovia. There was also something about a project happening there with twins but that wasn't important right now. All I needed now was to get to Sokovia. I tried to get Sasha to stay in New York  but she insisted that I needed her and I couldn't really stop her.