when we were BROKEN

Thirty-Three

A clock ticked steadily from somewhere in the house, the soulful beat of music coming from the headphones they still wore. Ji felt a sad sort of emptiness, knowing he was the cause of Ginny's current distress, and knowing that it wouldn't be the last time despite his promise. Every moment of his life had led him up to sitting across from her in the dark, but he couldn't see a happily ever after for either of them.

"You're the only person who cares about me," her uneven whisper broke into his thoughts. "I need you to not hurt me. I don't know what I'd do..."

"Other people care," he tried, but she was shaking her head.

"Non...not like you. Not as much as you do."

"I'm not a good man, Ginny. I'm... I'm so messed up that I think pitch black is pure white but..." he paused, searching for the right words. "When I'm around you, I start to think maybe there was a reason why. Maybe all of it meant something, but the truth is-"

"I'm messed up too, Ji," she murmured, leaning forward a fraction. "Maybe that's why we get along like we do."

"Think so, huh?"

"Oui. You've always been good to me. I don't care about anything you did before."

"Even after I get you free of Darche, the people I work for, they'll never stop looking for me, Mouse." Strong fingers were tenderly massaging her scalp, sending shivers down her spine. "They won't care who they hurt or kill in the process."

"You can keep us safe. You said you would, and... I know you can."

"We can't... Ginny, I mean...I'm not good with sex-" At her expression he coughed a laugh. "I mean I am good at it, just, it's not good for me... like I told you before. It would be a really bad idea for us to have it, so you need to understand that, going in."

Brow furrowing, she let that sink in, adding it to what he'd said about his addiction.

"Okay," Dark eyes met his with a look of understanding that made his lungs squeeze. "At the warehouse, you said cigarettes were your poison, but, sex is your poison too..."

Lips trembling just a little, his nod was faint, edges of darkness shadowing sea-green flames. Bracing himself for her withdrawal, waiting to see the look of distaste form on her features, Ji told himself she had every right to pull away from him. Ginny's expression didn't change as she lifted a hand to touch his face, her fingertip trailing over his cheek. Inhaling deep, his exhale was shaky as calloused fingers curled gently over her wrist as she nodded.

"I don't ever want to poison you," licking her lips, she shifted slightly. "I like how we are. Just... simple."

His raspy laugh sent a shiver of heat down her legs, chased by goosebumps.

"Simple, Mouse? If that's how you'd describe us, exactly what do you consider complicated?"

"I think that feelings are complicated." She drew his hand to her lap, tracing the tip of her nail over his knuckles. "Feelings confuse me... they... scare me."

"What kind of feelings?" He let her turn his hand palm up, her soft caress tingling up his arm.

"The kind that makes me think of nice things. Feelings that tell me everything will be alright, but, in the end, it never is."

"Sounds like you're talking about love."

"Have you felt that way?" Looking up, she searched his face as the lyrics of a soulful eighties hit echoed in their ears. Ji's nod was slow, so Ginny nodded too, pursing her lips as she looked down. "It ended badly?"