can you love me again? (an aslaz season 2 story)

chapter 2

i'm sorry it took so long to get this chapter out, but i hope the length and the big strides forward in the story will make up for the wait! i had two songs that i listened to religiously while writing this chapter: "bekhayali" and "ae dil hai mushkil." i feel like these songs really encapsulate alaz's state of mind during his separation from asi.

Alaz wasn't sure how he had ended up here. He'd been driving aimlessly around the city for hours before pulling over at a random stop. He'd gotten out and had just started walking, and he had kept walking until he had reached a local park. Now, he was sitting on a bench, watching children chase one another and tumble down slides at a nearby playground. Their laughter and delighted squeals had an oddly calming effect. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back as the sun beat down on him.

Alaz thought of her. (He never stopped.) He wondered what it would have been like if she had been there with him. She would have sat beside him with her legs crossed and hummed along to her music as she people-watched. She would have rolled her eyes at him for wearing a leather jacket in this kind of heat. If he had started to speak, she would have told him to shut up with a smile and then shared her earbuds with him. Alaz would have used it as an excuse to sit closer to her and she would have let him.

Mostly, Alaz thought about how he wouldn't feel so alone right now if she were next to him. Her presence was a grounding force in his life. Even in those moments when he wasn't next to her, just knowing that she was nearby and that they shared the same orbit, was enough to calm him. Now, he existed in a strange kind of limbo. He was untethered and felt as if he could float away at any moment.

"Excuse me, son, is anyone sitting here?"

Alaz opened his eyes to see a woman standing in front of him. She looked like she was pushing seventy years old, with graying hair and the standard thick cardigan in the middle of summer every woman of her age seemed to love sporting. Alaz didn't say anything and the woman took it as an invitation and sat next to him on the bench. She placed her overstuffed canvas bag in between them.

"Beautiful day, isn't it?" she said. "It's days like these that seep into your bones and make you feel young again."

Alaz let out a loud sigh and hoped it was enough to warn the old lady to stop talking to him. It had the opposite effect.

"So tell me, son, what brings you out today? Well, whatever the reason, it's good you're out and about. Young people should be enjoying the nice weather, not locked up indoors or sleeping the days away. When I was young, I spent my summers on the coast. I was up with the sun. That's how it should be."

Alaz offered no replies. He didn't even look at the woman, but that didn't stop her.

"I came here today with my husband and granddaughter. That is, I think of her as my granddaughter though she may not be by blood. She's the most beautiful little thing you've ever seen. She's so full of life and wonder. How I wish I could experience the world through her eyes. Children are the greatest gift, are they not? Tell me, son, are you here with your family? Which child is yours?"

"I have no children," Alaz said. He had struggled against the lump in his throat to get the words out.

"What about your wife, then? Do you have one?"

Thoughts of curly hair covered by a veil and a melodic voice saying yes to him—to a life with him—flooded his mind. "No. No wife."

"Hm, well, there's time yet for you. And you look like you're a handsome young man underneath all that stubble and grime. Yes, you'll find someone."

Alaz laughed humorlessly. He turned to look at the playground and watched a couple with their child. The father stood behind the boy and pushed him on the swing while his mother stood in front of him. She made silly faces and grabbed for him each time he came forward. The boy's face was lit up with joy.