can you love me again? (an aslaz season 2 story)

chapter 3

this chapter we're jumping into asi's pov to catch up with our dear girl and see what she's been up to in the last year and a half. our song this time around is "landslide" by fleetwood mac. i think it speaks to the personal journey asi goes on in this chapter and the strength she finds in herself, her child, and the people she meets who come to care for her.

Asi was never one to break promises. After all, growing up as a street kid, you had nothing in life but your word and oaths were taken very seriously. So when Asi had promised Alaz that she would get rid of him the second she went through with the abortion, she had meant it. Asi kept her promises. However, she knew deep down that she couldn't go through with the one she had made to Alaz.

The promise had been born out of desperation. He had been so far away from her and she had wanted so badly to reach him. Her declaration of love hadn't done it, so she had hoped that the pain of losing her would. The idea that Asi could remove Alaz from her heart was so ludicrous that the second the words had come out of her mouth, she had known she could never do it. She could never be rid of him.

And he won't let me, she had thought. He'd never allow such a thing. He wouldn't let me walk around with an empty heart.

And for a fleeting moment, she had thought it had worked. He had brought her close, cupped her face so tenderly, and pressed his forehead to hers and Asi had finally been able to breathe again. He wouldn't leave her this time. When it mattered most, he would stand beside her. But then he had told her it was for the best and walked away, and it had felt like the earth was swallowing her whole.

She had stayed where he had left her for an entire hour. He'll come back, a small voice inside her had sung. He'll realize his mistake and he'll come back for you and kiss you and hold you and everything will be right again, you'll see. So she had waited. She had watched the road and with each passing minute, that hopeful voice had quieted, until it had finally been extinguished.

Asi was tired of his cowardly love. The kind of love that made him push her away instead of drawing her closer to him. The kind of love that made her second-guess him all the time. The kind of love that she could never fully trust or settle into. Most of all though, she was tired of accepting that kind of love. She wouldn't do it any longer and she wouldn't allow her child to be burdened by it either.

Of the two promises Asi made that day, it was this one she made to herself that she kept.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If she was going to keep her baby, Asi had to leave everything and everyone she knew behind. It was a terrifying thought. Yaman and Cesur weren't just her family; they were a part of her, like limbs that she couldn't part with. And how was she going to keep them away? Asi knew her boys. They would stop at nothing to find her and Yaman had resources and money now; he could easily go after her if he wanted to. She would have to escape to a place where she could blend in and stay hidden. She contemplated changing her name, but it was the only thing she had now. All Asi could do was hope that Yaman would listen to her plea.

She was sitting on a bus with a single bag filled with all her belongings on her lap. She held the phone to her ear as it rang and, when she heard it go to voicemail, she breathed a sigh of relief.

 "Yaman, it's me," she said. "Well, I guess you knew that. What I have to tell you is very important and I need you to listen to this message all the way through before you do anything, okay? I already know you're getting up and getting ready to come after me, but please know that I'm fine. I am safe. But I'm leaving, Yaman. I can't tell you where and I can't tell you why, but just know that I need to go. I won't be in your life anymore."