The invisible struggles

Internal Conflicts

The integration day at the university was supposed to be a joyful and exciting experience, a rite of passage for new students. For Maya, Alexander, Lucas, and Elena, it was a showdown where they had to not only face the unknown but also hide their inner struggles. The day was sunny, and laughter and discussions animated the various stands and activities scattered around the campus.

The group met in front of the main building, each wearing a mask of normality. Alexander had suggested participating in the integration day together, hoping that the presence of his friends would alleviate his own anxieties. They started with a visit to the stands of student associations, where the clubs were trying to recruit new members.

Maya felt a surge of anxiety with each interaction. The crowds, the looks, the social expectations overwhelmed her. She stayed back, content to follow the group, her eyes constantly riveted on her phone. The notifications from her favorite video games offered her a temporary escape, a reminder of the safe and controlled universe that she had left behind for that day.

Walking past the booth of a video game club, Maya felt a slight relief. She approached shyly, her trembling fingers caressing the colorful banners. A member of the club, an enthusiastic student with glasses and a welcoming smile, invited her to try a game. For a brief and precious moment, Maya forgot where she was. The familiar sounds of the games comforted her, but as soon as she looked up, the reality of the crowd came back to haunt her.

Alexander, on the other hand, was doing his best to smile and appear relaxed. The remarks of his parents and sisters about his skinny appearance echoed in his head. Whenever he came across a mirror or a display case, he couldn't help but check his reflection, looking for signs of what others were seeing. When they passed in front of a fitness stand, the posters of muscular men revived his feeling of never being up to the task. He remembered the days spent at the gym, the draconian diets, and a wave of despair swept over him. Despite everything, he kept his smile frozen, his pains well hidden behind a facade of normality.

Lucas walked with a rigid posture, each muscle tense like a rope ready to snap. Loud noises, compact crowds, and cries of enthusiasm were all potential triggers for his compulsive violence. He tried to focus on the friendly faces of his friends, but every loud laugh or unexpected physical contact made him clench his fists. He remembered his father's beatings, the anger that had been boiling in him since childhood, and he struggled to stay calm. His instinct dictated that he defend himself, to show that he should not be provoked, but he knew that giving in to this impulse would only confirm his worst fears.

At the end of the day, they headed to a team-building activity: an obstacle course designed to strengthen the bonds between the students. Elena, in particular, dreaded this ordeal. The course included elements that highlighted teamwork, trust, and above all, confrontation with one's fears.

Elena had always struggled with her body dysmorphia. The memories of her mother criticizing her appearance, the constant pressure to be beautiful, to conform to unrealistic standards, still haunted her. Every obstacle she had to overcome was a confrontation with her body, a test for her self-confidence. The worst was the ordeal where they had to climb a wall, a physical test of strength under the gaze of others. She felt the looks of the other students on her, judging every movement, every hesitation.

At one point, while trying to cross a wall, she felt a wave of panic overtake her. Her mother's words echoed in her head: "You must be perfect, you must be beautiful." Her hands slipped, and she almost fell. Alexander, seeing her distress, rushed to help her, but this gesture, although well-intentioned, accentuated her feeling of vulnerability. With tears in her eyes, she hid her face so that no one would see her weakness.

As they were finishing the course, the four friends found themselves on a bench away from the others. They were exhausted, physically and emotionally. For the first time all day, they allowed themselves to breathe, to release the pressure a little. The silence that surrounded them was not awkward but filled with an unspoken understanding.