3 times Alaz Soysalan found peace ...

Part 2: Fall to pieces

AN: This one's a bit all over the place, as it was supposed to be about 1x17 and the scene that made me fall in love with them, but then 1x33 happened and I couldn't leave it alone. This goes a bit AU because of a certain bar scene so beware of that.

-*-

If I was standing there in your apartment

I'd take that bomb in your head and disarm it
I'd say "I love you" even at your darkest and
Please don't go...

-2-

Alaz was nine when he got his first bad grade, unintentionally.

Usually, in the evenings, after dinner, he'd escape to his room, play some music and read up on his school work, but his baby sister had other plans that night. She was teething and crying her little heart out, but his mom was too out of it to realize. So, he picked her up and brought her to his room, played her some tunes, and tried to calm her down. It took about two hours, but eventually, she settled. Exhausted, Alaz resigned himself to his poor grade. To his teacher, attributing it to his sister's teething seemed as implausible as the age-old excuse of a dog eating homework. But it didn't matter to him much, as long as Ece was safe and happy.

The first one he actually did care about, was a project for his drama class at the age of 12. It involved music and acting, two things he actually found interesting in that prison called school, and he worked tirelessly on it the entire weekend. Then on Monday morning after the second period, Cagla called him that she had a panic attack in the middle of her class and he rushed over, never handing in his project. He let it sit on his desk until his eyes blurred with unshed, angry tears, and then he tore it up and called Ruzgar.

"Let's go out."

"Sure, meet up at Mete's. Ates will bring a few beers, we can chill."

They went, got drunk on a couple of beers, and all was forgotten. Right as rain. Neslihan never asked about the project. Wasn't aware or didn't care, he wasn't sure. All he knew was she wasn't there... Not when he lost his first tooth, failed his math class or when he got into his first big fight with Ruzgar, when he had his first heartbreak, or just had one of those days when it all becomes a bit too much.

So, he turned to the one thing that was available - alcohol. It was a short-term fix, but it helped him get through the night. Countless nights actually, ones he didn't think he'd survive. Just like that New Year's night, that even to this day was a blur due to alcohol and the drugs but the day after... that was a whole different type of agony. The minutes dragged on forever, each worse than the last, making it difficult to stay still as he was burning inside. Bit by bit, till there was nothing left to save. Didn't his father see that, when he locked him in that hotel room?

Every time he closed his eyes he saw Yaman and Ruya at the bottom of that pit, unconscious and helpless as he just stood there, frozen. He may have run then but there was no escaping them the next day. Asleep or awake, they were with him, like two ghosts, following him everywhere he went. He was trying to hold on, but that dinner with the family, and Yaman's words were the last drop.

"You can't be a brother to me, Alaz. You can't fall in love with anyone... Because you don't know what love is..."

He looked away then, unable to eat, unable to breathe, stumbling out of the house right to his car and to his salvation – Asi. And there she was, illuminated by his car's headlights, melek coming to his rescue.

Their eyes met and he knew - she would put an end to this torture. He's spent hours in that expensive hotel room, tossing and turning in that fancy bed but now, with his hand on her tear-stained cheek, and a knife in her hand, he'd finally get to rest.