3 times Alaz Soysalan found peace ...

Part 4: A better man

She closes her eyes, taking in a deep breath before sipping on her tea as she watches the rain fall, black cabs passing by. It's the kind of view this girl who grew up in the slums of Istanbul could only dream about. And yet here she is, enjoying it all and her dream job to boot.

Yes, she misses the food and the people. Proper tea. Her makeshift family and friends. She misses... a lot. There is a lot she misses.

On rainy days the loneliness is inescapable but the work and the city are keeping her busy. Most mornings she's in the studio and then the rest of the day is spent exploring London, learning the language or working.

Her lunch break is the only time she actually sits down and takes a moment to just breathe and not think about anything. Most days it works but not today.

Today, Yaman has chosen to call her, and disturb her hard earned peace.

Just the way he spoke her name was enough to know something was wrong. He didn't say much, but the tone of his voice spoke volumes - tired, worried, at the end of his rope. Yaman wasn't the one to give up easily but this sounded like that and it scared her. Enough to dial his number.

Asi refused to be a victim, to parent a grown ass man. Yet, despite her resolve, she wasn't heartless. God knows she's tried... but it took all her strength to send him to hell that day and not fall apart completely. She wasn't even aware how deep into her veins, into her heart, her brain the boy had gotten until she had to walk away for good.

If she moved to the furthest corner of the planet it would make no damn difference. Yaman always said she had a big heart, adopting every stray kitten when she was younger, sharing her last piece of bread, taking care of him and Cesur always... and now there was Alaz.

It was almost comical, how much she couldn't bear to see him and still hoped he'd get better and put out that fire inside him that was slowly burning everything around him. Yaman and Cagla deserved a brother they could depend on and his mother couldn't deal with another loss. There were many people that still needed him around even if she wasn't one of them.

So she dialed the number she scrubbed from her phone long ago and they talked. Asi held it together and he pretended to. No tears were shed, no fuck you's screamed. Progress, when it comes to them.

And she actually took his advice and went exploring the city. It was like having him around but without the annoying quips which was definitely a plus.

She even chuckled a couple of times thinking of all the ridicilous comments he'd make if he was with her... about the service or the weather or the waiters of course. It was the first time in a long while Asi thought of him without wanting to cry.

As time went on, some messages were even exchanged and pictures sent. The beautiful Istanbul sunsets to rainy London, fish and chips to his hospital food, Soysalan mansion to her tiny London flat and then in the end, a photo from an airport.

She sits at the random waiting lounge with legs crossed, watching the planes come and go. It helps with the missing.

She sends him a pic of a plane leaving as the sun is setting.

A few minutes later she gets a photo in response. It's a ticket for London, a couple of months old, crumpled from being tucked in his jacket pocket for so long. Unused.

"London calling..." she sings softly but leaves the message on 'seen'. It's all understood.

Alaz sits on an old couch in cehennemin dibi, watching the clouds and those red and orange hues getting darker gradually. The sun has set in Istanbul already.

It becomes their new routine...

Months pass, life goes on with Asi in the studio, working on her dreams and Alaz in therapy, looking for his sanity.