3 times Alaz Soysalan found peace ...

Part 3: Say you'll hunt me

AN: As broken as I was after that finale, I feel like Asi made the right choice. Alaz needs to grow up, heal on his own to be able to be a good partner for her (and a father someday). So this is my little contribution to that...

--AL--

During his time in 'prison', to pass the time, Alaz played these games in his head...

He wondered how loud could that Mor ve Ötesi song blare till he couldn't hear his own thoughts?

Or how long could he scream for his mom to let him out before his voice was gone?

How many times can he count the cracks in the ceiling before he goes mad?

And how much alcohol would it take to knock him out?

The last time he had gotten any real sleep was that night, leaning against the blue door, her heart beating on the other side. Everything since has been an alcohol induced fever dream.

It's late-or is it early? He can't tell anymore. Not even where he is...his room? Floor? Bed? What did it matter... There is no Neslihan to lock his door there, yet he can't bring himself to leave. There is only one place he wants to go and she isn't there anymore.

Countless times he's tried to find her, pounding on the familiar door in a well-known neighborhood, until Cesur would throw him out, yelling about him disturbing him and the neighbors. Not that he cared about the neighbors - he simply dreaded another call to Cagla to bail him out of a police station.

Asi would have come but she wasn't here, she had gone to... Where has she gone? New York? London? Where does that asshole Tolga have a studio or whatever... He stumbles through the darkened house, almost running into a door.

It is dark and all the lights are off in the house. If only he can get some sleep to clear his head...

He's all out of ideas, and out of alcohol it seems.

There is one thing, he remembers.

His mother's pills. That box... he goes to the study where the rest of that cursed box is stashed and sees a bottle, still unfinished. Reaching for a couple of pills he swallows and chases them down with some whiskey for good measure.

His stomach growls in protest but he ignores it as he goes back upstairs, and crawls onto his bed, closing his eyes in hope for some peace...

Bad idea. Every time he closes them all he can see is Asi, those tear-filled eyes and resolute words breaking him down over and over again... He clutches at his pillow, screaming into the darkness, yet unable to escape her presence.

He sinks down, eyes falling on the nightstand and the damn bottle. Maybe it was old and the pills had expired or something... a couple more should do it. Or five.

Counting is a challenge in his drunken state, and it is maybe four in the morning, but as he tries to put the bottle back to the nightstand, his hand goes limp, the pills spilling on the floor as the darkness envelopes him.

He can't see her anymore.

-**-

Growing up with no parents was a fate Yaman would wish on no one.

And yet, despite being dealt that same fate, Can is a good baby... Most days he sleeps through the night but then there are days like this, when he wakes up screaming at 5am, jolting Yaman from his own fitful sleep.

Ruya worked late at the cafe, so he offered her his room to sleep in while he tended to the baby in Ece's room on feeding and diaper duty. It was a habit by now and he could do it half asleep, run to the kitchen and warm up a bottle with Can in his hands, careful not to wake the rest of the family.