For You

ch 3: again

In every movie where time travel's a thing, the butterfly effect hits. Someone changes something, ever so slightly, and then—BAM, a cascade of catastrophes occurs. So when I told Caius Gold both of us were going to die in the next few hours, I expected something to have changed. Spoiler alert: nothing changed.

Sitting in the passenger seat of Cai's Bentley, I fiddled with the radio as we drove to a beach party. "We're listening to kpop-Enhypen, specifically." I smiled primly at him. The day was repeating just like it had before we'd both died.

Caius groaned loudly, then smashed the pause button. "No, rat, we are NOT listening to kpop. Heavens forbid I sit through ten minutes of ear-trash. I mean, I know with that tiny brain of yours you'd probably never be able to comprehend what decent music is, but c'monn please try."

I rolled my eyes, about to argue with him, and then paused. Did the pride of my favorite group ever really matter if life as we knew it was going to end? Actually, it did. Very much so. "Shut the fuck up Cai. What, can't stand the fact that your ugly mug is eons away from kpop celebs, so now you're taking it out on them?"

Cai scoffs. "Yeah right. In your dreams, rat."

"Wow, Cai! That was so mature of you. Remind me again, who's older between the two of us?"

Ten minutes later, we're in front of Ezra Song's ridiculously large beach house, greeting past acquaintances from high school. 

"YENA, you're back!!" Enya Song pushes her previously brown, now blond bangs out of her face and squeals at me. Her perfect, doe eyes stare at me as she pulls me in for a hug. We're friends, sort of. We might have been better friends had the competition of college applications forced her to constantly be on the edge whenever I was around, constantly gatekeeping whatever extracurriculars she was doing and always keeping an eye on what I did. But now that high school's over, I suppose we could be better friends. That is—if I figure out how to keep both Cai and myself alive tonight.

I force myself to smile. It probably looks more like a grimace or wince, but whatever. "Enya! Yes, I am back! How are you doing, girl?"

She puts a hand on my arm, ignoring my question, and asks, "Where are you going again?"

I laugh. "Um, I'm just staying here for the rest of the summer. And—"

She shakes her head. "No, no, I mean, what college are you going to?" She looks expectantly at me, her too-red lips pursed.

Yeah, never mind—I think I remember why we weren't better friends. "Ohh, that's what you meant. I'm going to Harvard, but anyways, are you—" I don't want to sound like I'm bragging, but she asked, even though I'm pretty sure she already knows, since she was the first one to congratulate me after I got in.

"OH MY GOSH, how could I have forgotten!" Enya puts a hand to her mouth, like she's in disbelief. She knows that I know that she hasn't forgotten. "Oh my gosh, you'll be so far away from Caius, hmm? He's going to Stanford for uni, after all." She shakes her head. "Oh, Yena! Did I mention, I'm going to UPenn? Oh my goodness Yena, we HAVE to stay in touch. Ivy girls, you know," she laughs lightly. 

I wince out another smile. "Yes, of course Enya. Oh hey, your brother's looking for you, I think. Gotta run, see you!" And with that, I take my leave. Enya's twin brother, Ezra Song, is in fact not looking for her and is probably making out with some random girl in his bedroom, but I can't stand how insipid our conversation is getting. A hand taps my shoulder, and I swivel around. It's Cai.

"Can't stand talking to her?" He nods his head in the direction of Enya.

I nod. "Yeah, she's a little... ambitious."

He smirks. "Don't end up like her in four years, rat. Please do value life a little deeper than just bragging about an educational institution that the Songs' father paid for them to get into or whatever new luxury bag is coming out."

I laugh and then say, "Cai, she changed so much you know. She was this cute little girl who was soso nice to everyone freshman year, and now she's just... like all the other trust fund kids at Endever, I guess. Talking about their stock portfolios their grandparents set up for them and everything."

Cai pretends to wince, "Hey that hurt, you know I'm a trust fund baby too."

"Yeah, that's why you're such an asshole."

"Ouchh, someone's pissed." Cai laughs. Then he says something that throws me off. "It was predictable." He's staring into my eyes, and any trace of a smile is wiped off his face. He looks cold, untouchable, like he was in the morning. "They all end up like that. And you and I probably will too, don't you think? Assholes on top of the world." He tilts his head and does his half-smile, almost like he's a hunter waiting for my answer. I remember this conversation between the two of us before we died, but it didn't strike me how apathetic Caius looked. He looks tired, almost. Unaccessible, like he doesn't give a shit about anything. If I didn't know him better I'd be scared.

What did I say before? "Um, no. Because we're best friends and I'll always be there for you to kick you back into shape if you do become one, and you'll do the same for me. And me especially because I'm not a trust fund baby. And because we're empathetic, you know."

Caius laughs. The half-smile melts into a full one, and his gold eyes crinkle. Cai is back. "Yeah? That's something you'd say."

---

Three hours later, it's sunset. Before our reset—I'm trying to not think of it as death and instead as a reset—we'd been on the beach. Thankfully, I've managed to make sure Cai and I have avoided the beach. We're back at my house, sprawled on the sofa and watching the latest Spiderman movie. It's the No Way Home one, where Peter Parker's stuck outside of his realm. The movie's at a lull now, and I turn towards Cai.

Should I ask him the same question before our reset? But what if that's the reason why we were killed, because—I don't know—because some random stalker didn't want me confessing? If the butterfly exist exists, I'm going to make sure things change this time around. So, I ask him this instead, "Hey, remember what I was telling you during breakfast? That we died?"

And with that, I hear three resounding shots and see the boy I love bleed to death.

What the actual fuck is happening? We're not even at the beach, what? Oh my god what is going on?

But before my brain can ramble anymore thoughts, I hear another shot and then—

I'm dead.