Tvgirl writing prompts

The meaning of life-cynical one

^^once again explained at bottom^^

He was cynical. Every time I broached the topic of the future it was shot down. Every time he'd say was I was thinking too far ahead. We've been together a year now and I love him. And by his own admission he loves me. When we first started dating sometimes he'd mention what we'd do after our breakup. It caught me off guard I was shocked he'd even be considering that so soon into a relationship. When I asked him what he meant he simply parroted back some statistic at me.

"Is this not a serious thing to you...?" My voice shaking slightly as I asked. And he leant down to kiss my forehead "Don't even suggest that Ciara, I'm seriously in love with you" I didn't even know what to say. what made it worse was he didn't seem know why I was upset with that. he just went back to buttering his bread roll absentmindedly humming.

Adam didn't believe in soulmates, starsigns or  fate. And he didn't believe in forever. He was a 'man of science' or so he'd call himself when he was a bit too drunk which to his credit didn't happen too often. Last time he ranted about waveforms, their discrete frequencies, harmonies how every part of the universe is singing to us. I turned to look clear at his face,  up to see the shimmer in his eyes. The one that miraculously appeared during these passionate rants. His hair was scattered, his words were slightly slurred and his face was blushed,  his movements floppier than normal. He was beaming and beautiful. Just for a second I took a break from looking at him to close my eyes.

And I felt it, the hum at the center of everything or at least at the center of me. Had it always been there silently going? The universe was singing to me and I was singing back. When I opened my eyes again, I saw Adam laughing to himself, "what's so funny?" My face flushing with embarrassment, had it all been nonsense he'd spouted to wind me up? Surely not, not when I could feel it. The frequency inside.

"Collectively the sound of all those frequencies would probably sound like a croak" ..... what a way to ruin it. He was undoubtedly more informed on the matter so what other choice did I have to believe him. Though how could he know? Had he heard every frequency? Had he analysed personally every wave form?? No. This was a nice thing. A beautiful thing. Who cares about the bigger picture or the collective sum of it all.

Why did he have to be so... like that. So Cynical.

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It's been 3 days since we broke up.  I'd asked him about kids, a stupid thing to ask but I just wanted to say it out loud. That I wanted them and I wanted them with him. But you can't always get what you want can you?

After two years it all came down to one thing: Suffering.

"Maybe I'm biased through the lenses of my experiences but I think a certain amount of suffering is worth the life we live and the world we get to enjoy. No?"

"Worth it for what?"

"That's absurd, do you not like living? I mean there is so much good and enjoyment people can get out of the world. Connections people can form, fun to be had. I generally like being alive. I mean do you not think it's worth living the life we've built together???"

"Someone could say that's just optimism bias. If you could sit on a chair and experience 1 hour of complete ecstasy that's then followed by 1 hour of the most horrible agony. Would you?"

"There is not anything close to a real life equivalent to that Adam. What people feel stretches over a long long period of time and is complicated and they can have mixed feelings about their day to day life"

"It's just a thought experiment I can think of to compare the two. You just imagine two extremes. Life is suffering. And religion and philosophical teaching just try to find meaning in it As to the ethical question, I think antinatalism is correct."

So that was the end of that.

I had my answer.

Adam's the type of guy that I wanted to spend forever with. That I wanted my starsign to be compatible with, to be fated to. I wanted to hum his frequency.

Before the last day together we spoke about the meaning of life. Because of course that's what we ended up doing. It's the kind of guy he is.

He told me there was no meaning in the randomness

I told him that the meaning we give it is worth it

He told me that's just how we cope

I told him that it's a nice thought regardless

Which he said was a delusion

"What is your so called meaning then?

"To Love"

"You can't measure that"

..........

"Do you need to?"
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I miss Adam. I wonder if he misses me too. Or if right now he's rationalising the response in his brain as some adaptation of evolution.

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EXPLAINED:
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the thought process of this relating to TV Girl's "Cynical One" is in its portrayal of a relationship where one partner's cynicism overshadows the other's desire for a deeper meaning. like in the song, Adam's skeptical outlook on love, fate, and just meaning in general creates a rift between him and his girlfriend . He doesn't believe in forever or soulmates, completely dismissing the nice and romantic ideals that the narrator holds close. The song cynical one for me captures that same tension—the clash between someone who sees love as a comforting delusion and another who wants to just believe in its beauty.

She wants to hum Adam's frequency, find harmony in a relationship that's overshadowed by his constant need to rationalise everything and his annoyingly detached perspective.

Before coming to that bittersweet realization: that sometimes love isn't enough to bridge the gap.

Reminds me of a conversation I've had with someone recently. I wish I could say we both gained something from it but I wouldn't be so optimistic.