Until my last breath

33

Even though my tone is soft and quiet as it could be, i can see how much the question startles him. He looks over to me, sweat covering his forehead in the chilly weather. He looks like oddly uncomfortable in the calm atmosphere we're in and my curiosity is killing me wanting to know what's on his mind that brought this reaction out of him.

His wordless state makes me rethink my question. Did i cross the limits? I shouldn't have said that, should've I? 
I find my thoughts racing hundreds of miles with each passing silent moment.
But then my nerves immediately settle once I spot the hesitation in his eyes. I turn in my seat to fully face him and take a deep breath, silently praying to say the right thing.

" you've been a great friend since the moment we've met . you already saw a very vulnerable side of me, I trusted you to help me and I'm so glad I did so please trust me and let me do the same thing to you, I'll try not to disappoint" I chuckle my last words to tease the tension that's slowly building its way up in the sky between us,

He remains quiet one more minute before taking a deep breath thats followed by a small nod.

"Ever since my brother passed I've been thriving to get my life back together but didn't seem like i was progressing much because any minor set back easily brought me to square one. But recently I found myself slowly moving on and a huge part of me actually thought that everything can finally go back to how it was but then I fail to help my team to win a trophy this season and I have a so called girlfriend who can keep her hands to herself." He rants all of a sudden and I watch as the frustration piles up in his eyes once again but the hint of pain in his voice is what catches my attention most. He sounds hurt and exhausted.

"I feel lost. Everything I do feels wrong. Every day and every time i try to move forward i feel like something is holding me back. Every time I try to carry on with my life i stumble back." My eyes widen upon hearing his words and deja vu from our interaction in Monaco hits me harder than any gforce i had to endure.

"Every time i feel like I'm finally getting my life back together, everything falls apart."

He's also lost.

I watch as he leans his head back on the brick wall behind him and sighs heavily.
I mimic his action feeling the hard barrier behind me. Even though he didn't even look at me, I can tell his awaiting my answer to his sudden break down.

" you know Pablo? " my question immediately attracts his attention which I take as a sign to carry on with what I have to say.
"Not long ago I literally felt the same way until a good friend of mine came and highlighted all the positive things i fail to see in the midst of my chaotic life." I look over to him and see the tiniest yet the warmest smile tugging on his face indicating that he also remembers that night making me also smile.
I take my time to admire his expression remembering how much comfort he brought me that night.

"And i could do the same thing. I could tell you that although you had a bad season, it was also your debut with the club you've been dreaming to play for your whole life. But I'm not going to do that cause although the words you said lifted weights off of me. It doesn't seem like your own words really help you." I look him in the eyes that are already securing the sight of me i take one more minute before i continue.

"I however will tell you that it's okay to feel lost. It's okay to take things slow and fail every once in a while. It's okay to make mistakes Gavi. It never defines who you are. You can't control how the team performs and you can't control what your girlfriend does. But you can certainly control how you cope and react to whatever happens. You can learn how to change the consequences." His face softens and i can see him taking it all in.

"Hey Pablo and if anything you're anything but a failure. The determination and passion you show on the field is inspiring. Come on man you're playing for Barcelona. Are you kidding me? You're playing for the biggest club in the world at 17! You're anything but a failure. Years will come Gavira. With the work you put in, you'll definitely get somewhere." I joke in attempt to tease the tension and finally see a genuine smile forming on his face followed with a silent yet visible chuckle, making my heart absolutely melt.

"Thank you Rita." He mutters but the way he's looking at me with his eyes as clear as day in the darkness of the night, makes the tiny 'thank you' far more special and meaningful than it is.

We both stay in comfortable silence enjoying the breeze of the night but the small grin on his face never leaves. It makes me feel so happy that i eased comfort into him just like he did for me not long ago. But i feel the same strange pit forming in my stomach again.
I don't know what it is about Pablo but i definitely see how connected we are with all the things we go through in our daily lives. Every time we talk I feel like I'm connecting with myself, something i feel very rarely.

The ride back is spent with the sun keening on it's rise. Other than the exhaust playing a more softer rhythm than earlier, the ambience in the car is way quieter, in a comfortable way. That until Pablos gaze falls on my hands that are controlling the wheel.
"What happened?" he asks softly trying not to disturb the relaxing silence surrounding us. I take a quick look on my hand and chuckle remembering how stupidly i injured myself.
"I fell from a horse." I smile seeing the small horse on it.
"Not the answer i was expecting." He chuckles along. "You ride?"
"My mother was an equestrian." I say proudly. "Wow you really are a family of talents." I glance over and see his smile growing wider generating its way on my face as well. "You could say so." I shrug. "What about you? What else do you do?"i ask curiously.
He takes a minute to think about his answer before replying to my question. "Well football is mostly my thing but i can beat you in any video game." Excitement suddenly lace his tone making the ambience in the car warmer than it is.
"Yeah we'll have to see about that Gavira." I pull over as his neighborhood comes in sight. He looks over to the window before looking back to me.

"Thank you for tonight, it was phenomenal. You have no idea how much i needed it Rita." He thanks me and i could only smile warmly at him.

"I'm glad i could help Pablo."

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I know i know I'm sorry i kept you waiting that long. I'm way more free now and I'll try to upload every 2-3 days!!