Sweet Dreams || Xiaolumi

Chapter 7 - Sea of Clouds, Sea of People

CW // self-harm

[A/N: Some of the dialogue in this chapter will be exactly the same as the in-game dialogue, albeit with some minor changes. Thank you to the Genshin Impact Wiki for the reference, and thank you for understanding! (:]

- x x -

"Everyone, meet Xiao.", Rex Lapis said, with Xiao at his right side. "I expect you to treat him with kindness and respect."

"Huh.. so Xiao's his name, huh? Welcome to the family then, Xiao!", an adeptus said, standing up from her seat on the ground. Her hair flowed like a candle in the wind. Her entire appearance, her violet eyes that had a fiery glint in them, her red hair, and clothing reminded him of fire, an element that destroyed and burned the living and non-living alike, yet gave life and warmth at the same time.

Xiao felt the numerous adepti's eyes on him. He looked at them for a fraction of a moment, before looking away. He didn't feel as though he belonged here. He felt like he didn't deserve to be here. After all the atrocities he had committed, Xiao felt unworthy to be part of this new family. He didn't respond to the fiery-eyed girl's greeting verbally, and instead nodded and just left, wanting to go to a secluded corner.

"Huh? Wait, where are you going--"

"Perhaps he needs some time alone, Indarias. Leave him be for now. He shall come around eventually."

As Xiao walked away, he heard the other adepti talk about him.

"He's so short.. but scary at the same time."

"His karmic debt is so strong.. what has he been through? Poor baby.."

"What if he's actually a bad person?"

"If Morax trusts him, then surely he must be a good person, right?"

"Has he killed gods before? Surely an adeptus as young as him couldn't have accumulated that much karmic debt just from slaughtering regular old demons alone?"

"He's so scary.."

"He must have been enslaved by some evil god.."

The voices faded away the farther he went. He sat down in the middle of a forest, holding his jade spear tightly in his hand. He thought about everything that had happened-- from Yinguo enslaving him, killing demons and gods, being forced to torture innocent souls, to Morax freeing him, and now.. he had a new family. They seemed kind and welcoming enough, especially that red-haired adeptus.

"After everything I've done..? What a joke.."

Suddenly, Xiao heard light footsteps coming towards him. Xiao immediately pointed his spear at their direction, ready to attack if necessary. 

"Eep! I-I'm not here to hurt you!", a light-blue haired girl said, raising her arms up in the air. "My name's Ganyu.", she said, still startled from Xiao pointing his spear at her. Xiao realized that she was one of the adepti he saw earlier, and lowered his spear, still not lowering his guard, however.

"Ganyu's your name.. Well then, Ganyu, please leave me alone.", he said, staring coldly into her eyes.

"B-But.."

"Leave now, please.", Xiao said curtly. He raised up his spear in a defensive stance.

"I just want--"

"I said leave!", he shouted, which made the adeptus named Ganyu tear up a bit.

"O-Okay..", she said meekly, before swiftly running away. Xiao watched her until he was sure that she wouldn't come back. He then sat down on the cool, soft grass, resting against a tree. He looked up to the sky, and just felt empty inside.

He wanted his mom. He wanted his dad. He wanted things to go back to the way they were five hundred years ago, back when he was still a child growing up in Jueyun Karst, back before Teyvat became a battlefield, back before he had to commit all of those atrocities unwillingly.

He felt like he was about to tear up, but just bit the inside of his cheek. He tasted blood, but that didn't matter to him.

He tried to picture his mother and father. It all felt blurry to him. He couldn't remember their faces anymore. He only remembered that his mother had a sweet smile, with beautiful amber eyes just like his, and that his father had the same-shaped eyes and dark hair as him. He remembered his mother's silky, sky-blue hair, with a handmade flower pin in her hair made by Xiao as a gift for her two-hundredth birthday.

They were gone.

Xiao had previously lost all hope of seeing them again, until Morax set him free from the God of Pride's clutches. Then, his newfound hope was then crushed when Morax brought Xiao to their graves to bid them a final farewell.

They died so young compared to other adepti. And it was Xiao's fault. If he hadn't tried to escape the moment he was in Yinguo's domain, then they could have still lived to see him. It hurt Xiao to know that he could have been in their arms right now, that he could have heard their voices and seen their faces again. Although he hated physical touch now due to his trauma, he still would have welcomed a hug from them with open arms.

He sat there for a few more minutes, looking back on everything that had happened in his life.

It was good in the beginning, but the rest of it sucked.

He hated his life.

He should have bled out to death when Rex Lapis defeated Yinguo. He didn't deserve a second chance at life.

"Xiao?"

"What is it, Guizhong..?", he said, his tone showing both his anger and sadness.

"Ganyu told me you pointed your spear at her. Is that true?"

"Yes."

Guizhong sighed, then sat next to Xiao. "Xiao.. you don't have to be afraid of them. They're kind and welcoming. Sure, they're still skeptical, but they are willing to accept you into our family."

"I don't deserve this.."

"Xiao. Listen to me closely. Rex Lapis saved you for a reason. You were half-dead, and we both worked hard to try to save you.. and look at you now. You've made a full recovery."

"That was before you both learned of the atrocities I've commited."

"And did we abandon you then?", Guizhong asked.

"..No. Yet.. I don't understand why. How could you two be so benevolent towards me?"

"Because, Xiao.. we care about you. You're a good person."

"How can you say that?"

"Xiao.. although you have committed many horrible deeds, you did not commit them out of your own will, right?"

"I did them out of fear."

"Like it or not, those things that you did would have happened anyways. Yinguo.. she had many adepti under her. What you did would have been done, and has been done by others out of their own will."

Xiao stayed silent.

"Xiao.. I understand that you're upset. Actually, upset would be a major understatement. But.. please.. just know that you can count on us, okay? We'll always be there for you, through thick or thin. Like it or not, this is your family now. And we will love you until the very end."

"What if you go away? You won't be there anymore.."

"Don't worry. I'll be with you in spirit, just like your mother and father are."

Xiao stayed slient once more.

Breathe in. 

Breathe out.

"I.. I should apologize to Ganyu."

"Would you like me to come with you?"

"No.. I'd much rather do it alone.

"If that's what you'd like."

- x x -

It had been a few weeks since Rex Lapis's 'death'. Xiao stood under the huge, golden tree at Nantianmen. He stared at the field he prepared for Ganyu's adeptus training, then exhaled. He then looked at the sun, and shook his head in disappointment.

"Ganyu's late.. She still has not left the erroneous ways of humankind.", he thought to himself. He had half a mind to leave right there and then, but he knew that it wouldn't be right. Instead, he continued to wait. Ganyu would be disappointed if Xiao just vanished, and he didn't want that to happen. So, he waited.

Another ten minutes passed by, and another ten minutes after that. Still nothing. Xiao continued to wait.

Finally, Ganyu arrived, along with an unexpected companion.. and that companion's companion.