your hand in mine

iv

"Roseanne, please call me back. The hospital, they - I have no idea why or how it happened, but...The results are back. Your father will be a part of an experimental treatment program. I'll explain everything later, but they need my signature, and I can't sign anything without you. I won't. Please call me back. " Her mother's voice trembles at the last word with everything she wants to say but can't - or won't - over the phone.

Roseanne listens to the voicemail again, eyes squeezed shut, a deep frown on her face.

An experimental treatment program.

"My father devoted his life to medicine," Lisa told her a few days ago, her hand reassuringly heavy on her own. "My grandfather forced him to become a business major. He did. Then, he graduated, inherited the business, and invested ninety percent of the money in hospitals and pharmaceutical companies."

"He wanted to be a doctor?" Roseanne asked her, watching green eyes grow hazy with distant memories.

"Yes. He was fascinated by medicine. I'm afraid, however, that his interest was purely pragmatic." She remembers Lisa looking down on her hands, mulling something over. "My father was a cold man. Perhaps, it is a good thing he never became a doctor. I imagine he'd have terrible bedside manner."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"We are opening an experimental treatment program to honor his memory."

She dials Lisa's number before a plan's completely formed in her head. Things got way out of hand. She needs to get some of the control back.

She just needs to tailor the previous plan to the current situation.

Lisa picks up on the second ring. "Hello, Roseanne."

"I think you know why I'm calling."

"I do." She hears shuffling on Lisa's end and some quick murmurs before Lisa speaks again. "I need to apologize for making a decision for you."

Does she? It feels like she does. Just like always, with Lisa, Roseanne feels so many things at once, and she doesn't quite know how to handle them.

This is the messiest relationship she's ever had, and it's not even a real one. God - it's not even a relationship yet. "Lisa," she starts carefully. "This is the most generous thing anyone's ever done for me. But I'm not - I'm not sure if I can accept this."

"I had to make a final decision this morning," Lisa tells her. She's speaking in a low, soft tone - like Roseanne's a frightened, cornered animal. Maybe she doesn't mean it that way. "The names were submitted to me, and your father was on the list. This is not me playing favorites. His evaluation shows he has a chance at recovery. A weak one - but he has one."

Roseanne blinks. "Wait, so... You didn't put his name on the list?"

"I only sped up the process," Lisa says. Roseanne imagines her in her office, looking out the floor-to-ceiling window over the city she owns. She's never been to her office. Maybe it's completely different from her expectations. Assumptions, more like it. "I put him in the first group. He will begin receiving treatment as soon as you sign the papers. Should you... choose to, of course." Lisa stumbles over the last sentence with something akin to nervousness, and Roseanne wants to howl with laughter. It's like they're discussing Lisa's latest gift to her and whether Roseanne likes it or not. 'Hey, babe, I just saved your dad's life and your mom's entire life savings. Do you want the papers in pink or green?'

Is that how Lisa sees it?

"It's up to you," Lisa finishes in that low voice of hers. Roseanne laughs, sharp and bitter.