nothing beats a morning jog when your brother, suddenly wants nothing to do but annoy the hell out of you.
"come on is that the best you can do?" mingyu playfully said while jogging backwards, facing me.
me, panting. hunching over while clutching my worn out thighs "ah! why is it so painful here" i yelled in pain, my thighs suddenly have this weird and tingly feeling. "mingyuuu im donee!!" i yelled, surrendering while dropping myself on the grassy side walk.
we've been running for nearly 30 minutes at this park, and ive reached my limit.
laying down on the grass, i could feel the grass poking my arms and neck but i couldnt care less about it, having my arm covering my eyes from the piercing sun.
"this is nice" i sighed
i could feel a heat next to me, probably mingyu.
"areum thi—"
"im fineee mingyu, i know this is for my own good. but im fine" i stopped him, i could sense another lengthy lecture from him coming.
eversince the accident that dated back in 2020, ive been stuck in the hospital, and even after getting myself discharged, i was told to stay at home to get myself treated, ive only had few minutes of exposure from the sun-but that was as per requested by myself because it gets way too stuffy to be in my own room.
it sucks even more when i was diagnosed with severe depression, the crying sessions and never ending thoughts of ending myself never stops, i just couldnt even decipher why i had these thoughts, ever since that day, ive lost all of my memories, nothing. i woke up knowing nobody.
but ive cried every single day as if i had lost
someone.
mum was the one whom i saw first, but i didnt even know who she was.
the tears streaming down her face when i uttered "where am i...who are you?"
it hurts whenever i tried to recall back what happened, it hurts way too much till ive decided to give up. ive asked everyone at home regarding this and no one could piece up the missing puzzle, even my friends had said the same thing.
but this longing feeling is painful.
kim mingyu was no use, hes been nowhere in korea since he had to study overseas so he was basically absent even way before the accident had happened.
mum and dad only said that i was in a car crash when i was on my way back home from a vacation and thats it, nothing more and nothing less, but they did talk about memories from my childhood and teenagers daysss.
apparently i was an upbringing child and loves to paint, like alot, so that explains why i had lots of painting, and art supplies surrounding my room.
lost in my own thoughts, however i do not intend on thinking about the past, i guess the past wanted to stay in the past
"do you wanna go eat? im starved" i said, sitting up.
"after running and trying to reduce your calories?"mingyu asked, with a "?" look on his face.
i smiled "hehe...i need kimbap to fuel up"
he rolled his eyes and stood up, lending me his hand to help me get up "fine, lets go" he sighed in defeats.
but as soon as i got up, i felt this weird but wincing pain piercing through my brain,
"ah mingyu wait" i said, my voice straining to come out, i held my head and massaged my temple, hoping to reduce the pain.
"what why what happened? whats wrong?"said mingyu, concerns could be detected from his tone, his hand supporting my shoulder as i could feel my legs weakened.
"i dont know maybe i stood up way too fast"i exhaled, i fished out a candy from my pocket, maybe i need something sweet.
mingyu helped with opening the candy for me and i ate it immediately.
"lets go home" he said
"but kimbap?" i asked
"ill get kimbap later" he adds.
mingyu helped me walk to our car, luckily we had parked our car nearby.
upon our arrival at home, i felt alot better as i took a quick nap in the car.
mingyu excuse himself to shower while i let myself occupy the living room, laying on the sofa, i could smell mum's kimchi jigae from here.
my stomach grumbling.
i stood up and leaned my back on the sofa.
"areum! i madeeee kimchi jigaeee"
i shut my eyes, "the voices are back" i thought to myself, the pain's back too.
sometimes, faint memories would come like this, but not any longer than few seconds, i could see few images but i couldnt see anyone, but the voices are as clear as hearing them saying it next to me.
ive been hearing this same voice eversince that day, but no one here knows who it was, mum would say that it was mingyu but i cringed at the thought when i recalled back a memory of this person saying i love you, not saying that mingyu wouldnt say this but the person who said it sounded so endearing, as if i was someone who loves me, like a lover? but how can i even have one when ive been told that i dont have anyone to begin with.
sometimes id tell my parents or mingyu about this bits of memories coming back but other times id just keep it to myself, or to keep that said memories even longer in my head, i had written it in my journal.
if only a face pops up, that'll be easier for me to draw or paint.
that person will always remains as a mystery.
i often feel sad whenever he came inside my head, but it sucks not knowing what to do or who it was.
"areum! im going out in a bit to get your kimbappppp" said mingyu, yelling from the front door.
"okayy" i replied, that was quick, thought he was still in the shower.
but haih,,
the voices
who are you?
