The 100-A Collection of Stories

Grief

Clark sat awake, choosing to watch the fire while her friends slept. The night was hot but she couldn't sleep and her tent had felt too suffocating to stay in. While she was grateful that after everything that had happen her friends had choose to forgo immortality to come back to her, she still felt like a piece was missing. A lot of pieces, actually. There has been so much loss since they landed on Earth all those years ago, and she would do anything to bring back those who meant most to her, and to her friends. 

Nights were becoming increasingly harder for Clarke. Not only was it hard for her to sleep, but also to stay asleep. It feels like every time she closes her eyes the memories some rushing back and she can see those she lost. The nights that were hardest were the ones where she dreamt of Maddie, her daughter. She missed her so much that it hurt to breathe. She's glad she is safe after choosing to transcend but Clarke would give anything to see her just one more time, at least to just say goodbye and tell Maddie she loves her. 

But Maddi is not the only person she dreams of often, sometimes she dreams of Bellamy, too. Clarke dreams of Bellamy from before, when they used to lead the 100 after they landed. She dreams of the chaos of wars that they went through together and all the moments in between. She dreams of the way they grew together, and how through everything he become one of the most important person to her. But often Clarke dreams of the moment she pulled the trigger to protect her child, and still lost them both over some belief that Bellamy had, that in the end turned out to be true. If she had just trusted him then maybe this all would have turned out differently. 

Clarke did not want to pull the trigger but she felt she had no choice. She needed to protect her child that he was willing to sacrifice. They tortured Clarke for the key and she knew that if she let him Maddie would suffer the same. Yet Maddie still was tortured for it and lost her life. So in the end Clarke lost her child and her best friend for no reason. 

Clarke heard steps approach behind her and moments later before Octavia sat next to her. "Can't sleep?" She asked.

"No."

They sat in silence for a while, both just staring into the fire before them. Octavia spoke up first, "I miss him, I miss them all."

Clarke's eyes blurred a bit, "I miss them, too."

They sat in silence again before Octavia stood up and turned to go. Clarke reached out and grabbed her wrist, turning to her with tears dripping down her face. "I really miss him, Octavia. I'm so sorry." She let go as she dropped her head to her hands as her shoulders began to shake. 

Octavia fell to her knees before Clarke and wrapped her arms around her. "I know. It's okay. I forgive you." And then she joined her in her grief.