ALEX | BXB

CHAPTER FIVE

Alex's pov :

My eyes fluttered open, my vision blurred as my gaze wandered the unfamiliar room. White walls surrounded me, closing in on my aching body. My mind was a foggy mess, struggling to recall the events that led me here. All I could remember was sitting on the floor next to my bed, the cold steel of the razor against my wrist, and the darkness that followed. How did I end up in this place? Questions swirled in my head

Panic set in as I tried to sit up, but a sharp pain shot through my head and I fell back onto the pillow. My wrist throbbed, and I instinctively reached for it, only to find it wrapped in a thick bandage.

Sean's face lit up with relief as he exclaimed, "Alex, oh thank God you're awake! I was worried sick!" He quickly stood up, his eyes scanning my face as if searching for any signs of...something. I wasn't quite sure what. His voice was laced with a mix of concern and exhaustion, and for a moment, I felt a pang of guilt for putting him through this.

But as I tried to speak, my throat felt like sandpaper, and all that came out was a faint whisper. Sean quickly grabbed a cup of water from the bedside table and helped me take a sip, his hand shaking slightly as he held the cup to my lips.

As I sipped the water, he continued, "You've been out for a while, buddy. You gave me quite a scare. The doctor said you're going to be okay, but..." He paused, his eyes welling up with tears. "But I was so scared I was going to lose you, Alex."

Sean's voice cracked as he asked, "Alex, why? Why did you do it?" He looked like he was struggling to hold back tears, his eyes pleading for answers. I tried to speak, but my throat was still dry and sore. I cleared my throat, wincing at the pain, and tried again. "I don't know," I replied, my voice barely above a whisper.

Sean's expression turned from sadness to frustration. "What do you mean you don't know, Alex? 'I don't know' is not an answer! You can't just try to...to end your life and then say you don't know why!" He shook his head, his voice rising. "That's not fair to me, to us, to everyone who cares about you! You have to talk to me, Alex. What was going through your mind?" He leaned in closer, his eyes boring into mine. "Was it something specific? Was it the stress, the anxiety? Was it something I did or didn't do?" He paused, taking a deep breath. "Please, Alex. Help me understand."

As I lay here, I can feel Sean's frustration and concern, but he doesn't get it. He doesn't understand what it's like to be me, to have my life.

I skipped school because I just couldn't face another day of mom's constant nagging and guilt trips. She's always on my case about something - my grades, my attitude, my future. And then there's the truth she can't seem to accept, her time as a stripper is over, and she's not the hot commodity she used to be. Men don't look at her like they used to; they look at the younger girls now. And she blames me for it.

She still blames me for what did dad to me, for him being sent away. Like I told him to smoke drugs that day. And Trey, my stepdad, whose always fighting with mom.

yesterday morning, we had a huge fight, and she said some things...things I can't shake off. So I went to Dwayne, thinking he'd help me out, give me something to take the edge off. But he refused, said I was getting too hooked, and he didn't want that for me. Like he actually cares. He sees a future in me, apparently. But I don't see one. I don't see anything but darkness and pain. And those razor blades...they were my last option. My last escape.

I turn to Sean, trying to muster up a convincing expression. "Sean, I'm sorry, man. I didn't mean to scare you like that. I was just...messing around with some razor blades, and I accidentally cut myself. I didn't think it was that deep, and I definitely didn't think I'd end up here." I force a weak smile, trying to downplay the situation. "I'm okay, really. Just a little stupid, that's all."