Grey's Anatomy/ Private Practice book 2

I'm fine. - Amelia and Charlotte

Alright, here we go again! TW SH!!!

I leave my apartment at 7am to get to the practice. It's so hot outside and I'm really overheating in the long sleeve black top I'm wearing. Pearls of sweat have formed on my forehead and I wipe it of with my sleeve. Ouch. My left arm is so sore, well it's my fault so I shouldn't complain.

When I finally get to work, I walk into my office on the second floor. It's quiet, and I'm just getting ready so see some patients. I have my first patient of the day at 9am, a 25 year old female named Ella James with an inoperable brain tumor. Amelia had been trying everything to find a solution, but haven't found one. Me neither, and today, I have to tell her that we can't in fact operate on her. Fun.
I walk into the room and see Ella holding her boyfriend's hand, I've met him before since Ella has been one of my patients for a while and he's quite nice.
"Hi Ms. James!" I say with a smile on my lips.
"Hey Dr. Y/ln!" She says happily, probably believing she'll get good news.
"I have some news for you." I say and pause when I see her face light up. Oh god. "We can't operate on your tumor. It's impossible. I'm so sorry Ella." I say. It's quiet for a minute until I see a tear escape her eye. "But you said that you would find a solution?" Ella says.
"I hoped that me and Dr. Shepherd would find a solution, but unfortunately we didn't." I say. Ella scoffs. "I never should've chosen you or any of your piece of shit coworkers to work on my case. You're all fucking hopeless." Ella says angrily. "I'm so sorry, Ella." I say, hoping that she'll calm down. "Get the fuck out of here." She says and points to the door. I don't argue, and walk out of her room, shutting the door behind me.
I should've tried harder. I'm never good enough. Fuck. I can feel tears stinging behind my eyes. I need to cut myself. Now. I decide to go to the bathrooms. I sprint up the stairs, but bump into Pete.
"Oh hi Pete, sorry." I say, trying to sound stable.
"No worries. What's the rush?" He asks me.
"Nothing. I've gotta go." I say defensively, walking off before he gets a chance to say anything. I continue walking quickly until I get to the bathroom stalls. I choose the one that's the furthest from me. Perfect. I grab my blade that I've stuffed in my bra. It's probably stupid, but I have nowhere else to store it, my pockets don't close and it'd fall out. And I want it with me at all times, so I have no choice but to keep it there. I kneel down to the floor and sit down against the wall. Tears are already flowing down my cheeks. I take my blade and place some deep cuts on my wrist. Maybe a little too deep, but it's fine. There's blood dripping onto the floor. I look down on my arm. It's filled with cuts, both new and old ones, and scars. I keep cutting until I hear a knock on the door. What's happening?
"Hey? Who's in there?" A voice asks. I quickly recognize it. It's Charlotte. Crap. What the fuck do I do?
"Oh hi, it's me, y/n." I say.
"What are you doing in there?" Charlotte asks.
What does she know?
"Peeing?" I try.
"Sure. What about the blood on the floor?" She asks with a stern voice. I think she's worried.
"I just scratched myself on the door." I say, but my voice is shaky.
"Y/n open the door." Charlotte says.
"I'm on the toilet." I say.
"We both know that's not true. Open up." She says.
"I'm fine, I'm literally peeing." I try again.
"Y/ln I'm serious, open the damn door or I'm calling security." She says. Yeah right. I don't answer.
"I'm counting to three, one..." I don't answer. "Two..." She continues. "Three..." She says and I still don't answer. I can hear her scrambling in her purse. She's not actually going to do it. Or is she? I can hear the signal from when you're trying to call someone and I realize that if I don't open the door I'll be in deep shit.
"Alright! Alright." I say and open the door, still sitting on the floor. Im trying my best to hide my arm behind my back. I'm avoiding eye contact with her. I can't face her. She'll be so mad at me.
I can see her closing the door and sitting down across from me.
"Let me see." She says gently.
"What?" I ask, trying to sound confused.
"Your arm." Charlotte says. I shake my head. "Please." She says. I pull my arm out from my back and reach it out towards Charlotte. I can feel her shock.
"Okay. It's okay honey." She says and grabs some tissues from her purse. "Can I?" She asks me.
I nod. She puts a few tissues over my cuts, stopping the bleeding. When I notice that the bleeding has stopped I pull my sleeve back over my arm. "What's going on?" She asks me. I shrug. I don't want to talk. "You need to tell me." Charlotte says. I meet her eyes. She's looking at me with those kind of sad, sympathetic eyes. I don't know what I think of that. "No I don't." I say, standing up from my place on the floor and walking out of the bathroom. I walk into my office and shut the door. Only some of my windows have blinds, which is incredibly stupid. I close the ones I can and sit down at my desk. I try my best to concentrate, but I can't. Eventually, I hear a knock on my door. I knew she wouldn't let me go that easy. I don't tell her to come in, but she does anyway, closing the door behind her.
"Hi." She says softly, walking over to my desk. She puts her hand on my desk, kind of leaning on it while looking at me. "I just want to help you." She says. "Get out Charlotte." I say, looking down. "But-" She tries. "I'm fine. Get out or it's my turn to call security." I say. She does what I say and walk out of my office.
The rest of the day is like a fever dream, I don't eat or anything, I just sit there, but pretending to work when someone walks by. Eventually it's time to go home. I grab my handbag and walk out of the practice, finally.

I fumble for my keys and eventually find them, unlocking my front door. I know exactly what I want to do. I go into my bathroom, grabbing my blade and placing some new fresh cuts on my wrist. It stings so bad. It's so good. I wait for the flood to stop flowing, and then I pull my sleeve back down and pretend like everything is fine. It's 6pm now and I'm hungry. I pour myself a bowl of yoghurt and granola and decide to eat it at my dinner table while scrolling on my phone.
All of a sudden, my doorbell rings. I sigh, but walk over to the door and open it. To my surprise, I see Charlotte and Amelia standing there.
"Hey?" I say.
"Hello." Amelia says, stepping into my house and taking off her shoes without even asking. Typical Amelia.
"What are you doing?" I ask her angrily.
"We'll be asking the questions today." Amelia says firmly. Charlotte eventually takes her shoes off too. "Oh my god you are kidding me." I mumble pissed. "I heard that." Amelia says, looking at me. "I assume you've told her Charlotte?" I ask. Charlotte nods. I sigh. "Bringing in the big guns huh?" I ask her. Charlotte looks down. "Sit down y/n." Amelia says and points to my couch. I do as she says and sit down on my couch. I fiddle with a pillow waiting for something to break the silence. No one says anything, so eventually I do. "Are you give here to give me some inspiring addict talk or something?" I ask.
"Stop with the attitude." Amelia says. "Why the fuck are you so mad at me?" I ask Amelia.
"Because I'm worried about you. We both are." Amelia says and gestures to Charlotte. I shake my head. "Can you lift up your sleeves please?" Amelia asks. "Why? I haven't done anything." I insist. "We don't know that." Amelia says. "Then you'll have to trust me." I say, refusing to lift up my sleeve. Amelia takes her hand and grab my arm in a swift motion. "Ow!" I yell, "Let go." I say. She pulls my sleeve up and sees the fresh cuts. A tear escapes my eye. "I'm sorry y/n. I'm so worried about you." Amelia says, sitting down next to me. She pulls a piece of hair that's fallen onto my face back behind my ear. Charlotte waits down too. "We want to help you sweetheart." Charlotte says, placing a hand on my back. I do t know what to say. So, I place my head in my hands and I cry. I just cry. "Oh honey." Amelia says, pulling me close to her. My head is resting on her chest and she's holding me tight, letting me cry. "We'll do anything to help you, okay?" Charlotte says. I keep crying. I don't know what to say.

OKAYY so this is my first one in a while and also in my new book. Sorry about the bad writing this is not proofread and it's late.❤️