"His death to me is act of wickedness." She said it a lot of times when ever we spoke about our memories of Dad. But, something seemed different. She took an handkerchief from the chair's arm which she sat upon. She used it to clean what I assumed was a dirt around her left eyelid. She wasn't sniffing so I doubted if she was crying.
"He could have spoken up, you know. 'could have spoken of how hurt he was. He would not speak. At least, he would have said something. Something".
" He didn't say anything.", I said, not really knowing what to say.
"At least, my Dad spoke up when the illness started. He called and told me a day before we realized. He told me that he couldn't hold firm a glass of water. He even laughed. With the laughter, I didn't see it as anything was wrong. It was until I got a call from my mom that he slipped and fell while in toilet. Your aunt, Basira was here the other day. I couldn't even take my bathe."
" You know, he himself didn't believe what was coming." I responded before she could continue. I sat up from my relaxing position, on the two chair arms I sat on.
"Eh. But you dad would not speak. He was the one that called me from Tayo's place in Ife to come home." agreeing to the point.
"Sometimes," not looking at her face, " I do feel like he is still alive. You know, like a reincarnation. He might even be living among us, but..."
I suddenly went quiet. This was after I undoubtedly heard her sniff. I looked at her, and at that time, I could see the tears which was slow-and-steadily forming around eyes and gently rolling down her cheeks. Her eyes were already red. She took an handkerchief and wiped away the tears. I kept quiet and sighed.The tears reminded me of the day I saw Dad in my dreams and told her what I saw and conversed with him. She had been heartbroken, unintentionally, by me. As a result, I guess, I wasn't able to, for a long time, see my Dad in my dream, and my tears refused to fall. Now, the same type of tears were falling again.
"Can you believe he called my attention one day and complained that I was telling everyone that he was ill? I was confused. Was I going to keep quiet and watch him get stolen away from me by death without call out for help? Argh! I had called Azeez to drive him to the hospital. But when, he arrived saying he was also on medications too. Your dad walked out himself and sat there-" pointing at the dining that was behind her, "-and gave him one thousand naira telling him that the doctor was not available. Why?"
Her tears at this time she could not hide.
"Mom. Mom, you have to stop crying.", I said emotionally as I moved closer. I wished my tears that held my pain would pour out too, but they wouldn't.
"I know...", She wiped her tears again but this time with one of her fingers "I know he was just being a soldier: never scared of death." She sighed then sniffed. "Maybe he had already seen the other side. Maybe... he had see his late brothers, those he had missed over the years." She paused a little then continues. "Or what do you think, son?"
I looked away with tears flowing nonstop within me like two waterfalls. Only if they could roll out and pour out my grief, fear, dispair and sorrow. Only if..."
