Hearts at War (AlanxJeff) VI

26

Alan 

I knew Jeff felt shy and embarrassed about what happened last night. But that didn't take away the pain I felt from the huge distance he was trying to put between us. It was as if he was fleeing even from my gaze, as if his life was at risk. And although only a few hours had passed, I already missed him. Lately, we had been so close, so united. I wanted to touch him and kiss him. I wanted to talk to him and laugh together about the day's events or even the history of our kingdoms.

"Time, I just need to give him time and be patient," I thought, trying to calm my restless heart.

Sometimes, when we're together, I get lost in his eyes, those mirrors that reflect such a complex and beautiful world. I wonder what secrets they hold, what dreams and fears hide behind that deep gaze. And although I hate not being able to unravel all those mysteries, I know I can't force him to confide in me. With the practices Way had imposed on us, we started talking about many things. Or rather, I started to.

I talked to him about everything, my childhood, what I had done during the day, what I liked. And he would look at me and listen attentively. He would get sad or laugh depending on the story. But he... he never talked about himself. He never did.

I observed him, always trying to discover more new things. Every gesture, every word, was a piece of a puzzle that never seemed to be completed. I understood that he was shy and extremely introverted. He would lock himself up so much that when he felt someone trying to get close, he would get scared like a wild animal and move away. He protected himself by trying to see everything rationally. For example, the practices. I know he handles them so well because he tells himself they are just that, practices. But I also know that, even if he's not aware of it, if his heart wasn't involved, he wouldn't do them the way we had done. And when what happened last night went off script, he simply didn't know what to do.

That night I learned new things to add to my little puzzle of Nu. I knew that Nu made his debut in society two years late due to apparent health problems. Problems that apparently, would prevent him from having children. And that were very likely the reason he used that hateful pheromone perfume. But from what he said that night, I understood it wasn't an illness, it was caused. Poison, he mentioned. Did they use poison? Is that also the reason for his fear and distrust of food? Is that why he also tries to distance his heart from everyone?

I sighed, exasperated, feeling a mix of sadness and tenderness. I wanted to protect him, to be the refuge he could trust. But I knew I had to be patient, give him the space and time he needed to heal and open up. In the meantime, I would keep observing him, loving him in silence, waiting for the day he could share all his secrets and fears with me.

But today... today was worse than ever. I knew something was wrong with Nu that night. Every time he tries to hide something, his lips tremble and he avoids eye contact. I knew he was hiding something from me, but I didn't think it was that serious. They were planning to do something to him and he was only thinking about finding the culprits. From the beginning, I had certain doubts about how Nu perceived danger, considering the way I met him. He was willing to take risks. He didn't trust me to work together. He didn't care about his safety, but I did.

"I don't want to and can't lose him," I think as I approach the room where that guy is. The hallway is dimly lit, the torches on the walls casting unsettling shadows that seem to dance to the rhythm of my anxiety.

"Oh, how strange, Prince Alan sending his thugs to do what he can't," New spat with contempt, his voice echoing in the cold, dark room.

"Do what? I just asked them to invite you to talk to me. Don't complain, I didn't think you were so delicate," I said with icy calm as I sat in the chair in front of him. The room was barely lit, but I could see the anger in New's eyes.