Modern Divinity

9. Grief

Celestine spent the next few weeks aimlessly wandering between periods of rest at her house. She was wary of staying there due to the situation, plus it was haunted by the specters of her failed relationships. Though she visited the spot Donovan had taken her to, he was never there, and she passively accepted that he had likely moved on. Occasionally she debated reaching out to Mael, but she deceived herself into believing he had better things to do.

One evening she found herself taking a break on the roof of an abandoned barn. The area was rural enough that she felt comfortable flying rather than walking as it helped her cover much wider distances. The day had been uncharacteristically warm given the season, so she had dressed lightly and foregone wearing a jacket. She had set her chin in her hands and was deliberating over what to do. She hated feeling purposeless and didn't want to be stuck in limbo forever.

As the sun began to set, painting the clouds in its warm, orange glow, she found herself drowsily admiring the world laid out before her. The trees were bare, and the greenery was mostly brown or dead, but that was still beautiful in its own way as it meant the plants would be renewed when spring finally arrived. The cycle of seasons was an experience she never had back home, and the way it caused the world to change in a comfortably cyclical manner was oddly reassuring. Like no matter how bad the cold winter was, warmer weather was always inevitable.

"I wish I had given this place more of a chance," she said with a tranquil yawn.

Lifting her gaze to the sky, she had almost settled on what she wanted to do. It had taken her a while to formulate a plan, and even longer to accept what would need to be done, but she felt like she was finally ready. Looking down at her phone to check the time, she pushed herself to her feet and set off into the air. Left behind where she had been sitting was a small, jade necklace.

She circled through the atmosphere and reviewed her plan for the sixth time that day. It wasn't perfect, but it was the best she could come up with. It relied on a lot of complicated variables lining up, but she had faith that her fellow angels would live up to every expectation she now had. Earlier in the day she had sent a group chat to her colleagues, warning them that she had a report that was due by midnight that she was behind on, and if it wasn't done in time their superior planned on making them do it. She was counting on their laziness and aversion to extra tasks, and figured they would check in on her once the deadline approached so they could see if she was working on it and if not – capture evidence that she wasn't. Anything so they wouldn't have to do it themselves.

The idea of her kind snooping by observing her was bothersome, but it was necessary. Angels using divine observation on other angels wasn't common, but it still happened. She would have no way of knowing if they were truly watching over her, but there was no other way. She had thought through every other scenario, and they were all equally awful.

If she tried to confront her superior alone, she would be killed. If she went back up to warn them, she would be been branded a heretic, expelled, and then probably killed anyway. If she fought, she had no hope of winning. Seraphim were at least four of five times more powerful than her current rank and even if by some minute miracle she won, she would have to face justice for murdering one, even in self-defense. Whether that meant being expelled or outright executed, she didn't know. It hadn't ever happened before.

Her outlook was grim, so her only chance was her colleagues catching her superior in the act. If she could get him to confess, that would be even better. Even though she knew her fate was sealed the second she had sent a warning text to him a few hours ago, all she could do was hope there would be enough blatant evidence for him to be held accountable. There would be no satisfaction in that for her because she would already be gone, but at least there would be justice. And an end to whatever he was planning. She didn't really find comfort in that fact, even if it would undoubtedly benefit the rest of the world. It was hard to find joy in sacrifice when she wasn't confident her plan would even work.