Healing Touch

Chapter Twenty

Jaime was taken over by the shame of having tainted the beautiful nature of her relationship with Andy, and continued to feel horrible about it. How was she ever going to fix it, especially after seeing that look of pure revulsion on Andy's face?

Would Andy ever forgive her? Would she ever look at her lovingly again? Or was this it? No, she couldn't let it be like this. She wanted to fight for Andy, but felt like she'd already lost. "Do you still love me?" She was desperate for comfort and reassurance.

"If I didn't, all this would be a whole lot easier."

Andy seemed frustrated as she walked out of the kitchen and headed to the bathroom.

Jaime's legs grew weak and she sat down on the cold tiled kitchen floor. She forced still the tears threatening to fall when they welled up at the corners of her eyes.

There was no one else who could hurt her so quickly or easily other than Andy, intentionally or not, but she couldn't really blame her. The disgusted look on her face had the tears she'd been holding back streaming down her face.

She had cried for losing Andy several times before, but this time she was crying for what she'd allowed to happen. And for what? None of it had been worth it. She was a prolific attorney who had independently built herself through unimaginable hardship and now, she was on her kitchen floor breaking down and breaking apart for a woman.

The worst part of the whole ordeal was that even if Andy still loved her, she would probably always be disgusted by her, and nothing else hurt more than that.

Deciding to be strong, mostly because she didn't want Andy to come back and find her so defeated on the floor, she got back up to her feet and took a deep breath, quickly composing herself even though there was a painful ball of heartache stuck in her throat.

"Jaime."

She looked up at Andy's voice.

"I'm sorry about what I said. I need you to know that I would never hurt you. I guess I'm still having a hard time dealing with everything."

Jaime had resumed with the cooking, and tried hard to look composed. She was trying to act like it had not happened, but when Andy walked back in, that shame and regret burned her cheeks.

"Let's forget it ever happened."

She couldn't just forget about it even though she gave the impression she could, and as they made dinner in complete silence, the awkwardness left behind by the currents in the air over their sexual tension made it unbearably uncomfortable.

***

"I thought I'd be strong enough to be around her but it's getting increasingly difficult," Andy confided in Michael.

She'd gone to see him at the hospital because his busy schedule made it hard to meet up elsewhere, and it was much easier for her because her schedule was more flexible.

"Maybe you need a break from each other," he suggested.

Andy thought about it. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea. Jaime had gone back to work, and she was doing better. She kept her hospital appointments, following up with Michael at every given moment, which affirmed she was taking better care of herself.

There was nothing more for Andy to do. "Maybe it's exactly what we need," she said, more to herself.

"What's been happening exactly? Why does it feel like it's getting harder?"

Andy thought about how awkward it felt being around Jaime whenever she went to check up on her. The unsaid words, the silenced sexual tension, the damaged communication, and the somehow unwanted goodbyes.