Descending Stars (Fallen Heroes Series #1)

Kabanata 19

Kabanata 19  |  First aid kit

I stiffened with the intense thumping of my heart as soon as I saw Kenji across the street. I felt a sense of comfort and assurance just by seeing him.

I must be crazy.

I chortled.

Nilingon ko ang traffic sign. The timer of the green light is achingly slow for me. Gusto ko na lumapit. Gusto ko na siyang abutin.

Dumagundong ang dibdib ko nang makitang inapak niya ang paa sa pedestrian lane.

Is he fucking crazy!

There are still cars driving their ass out!

I was signaling him to stop but his eyes were just glued on me. I looked at the stoplight and it wouldn't do.

Naramdaman ko ang takot sa buong katawan nang makita ang isang puting truck na papalapit. I swear to the Gods, I feel like I'm about to die from horror.

Pabalik-balik ang tingin ko kay Kenji, sa truck, sa traffic light. Kay Kenji ulit, sa truck, at sa traffic light.

Umiling ako. He will be hit.

From that conclusion, halos gumimbal ang mundo sa naisip ko.

Why is life always unfair to me?

Am I really not worthy of what other people call happiness?

Pinili kong buhatin ang sarili at saka pikit matang tumakbo. Fuck, I never thought I'd do something this stupid for someone.

I took another step and pushed Kenji. Then I felt the heavy wind sent by the passing of the truck.

Hingal na hingal akong nadapa. I saw Kenji few inches from me. Dumadaing siya sa sakit.

Sinapo ko ang dibdib nang makaramdaman ng sakit.

Napaupo ako at tuluyang bumuhos na ang luha.

Did he just… almost die!?

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

How can he be so reckless? Hindi man lang ba niya inisip na mapapahamak siya? Why is he so fucking stupid? So stupid! So stupid!

I was bawling. Sapo-sapo ko ang dibdib dahil sa kaba, sa galit, sa lahat.

I thought we'd both die! Damn it, what am I supposed to do if we both die and I haven't even confessed yet?

“A-Amaya… “

Dahan-dahan kong tiningala ang ulo ko. I look so ugly right now. Nanginginig ang labi ko habang pinipigilan ko ang sariling luha.

“Y-You're so… fucking stupid!” my voice cracked.

Akala ko… mawawala siya. I thought I'm going to lose someone I cared for again.

Akala ko masasaktan na naman ulit ako…

“So stupid! So s-stupid!” I cried more.

His eyes narrowed. Kita ko ang gulat sa kanyang mga mata.

Agad niya akong nilapitan at niyakap.

“I'm sorry,” he whispered. Magaan niyang hinaplos ang buhok ko.

It's his second time seeing me cry my heart out again. And I didn't know it would feel this assuring. Sanay na sanay akong umiyak mag-isa sa madilim na kwarto.

But having someone with you… is different.

“Hush. It's okay."

It's so different. It's like having solemnity embracing the somber. It's like realizing that light isn't there to fight the darkness… it's just there to guide you.