Mr. Red Jacket

My perspective

Am i naive to think that you could be the love of my life? yes i am. What i'm trying to say is that when i was younger. i prayed as quiet as breath. for a boy who looked like kindess and felt like a welcoming home. and my god, how you are him. i'm truly thankful of you.

I want mas almet merah to know, he is loved, he is beautiful, important,strong, unique, and always enough. My star, the smart one,a good friend, a cute one, inspiring. i'm really proud of you for being you. for being able to stand alone with your two own feet. maybe i was selfish to want you after all. 

One thing i realized, you have to love people according to their love language, not yours. So Mr. red jacket. did you hear my "i love you" ? is it loud enough for you to hear?

writing a whole ass book for Mr. "words of affirmation" is crazy. well.. i am crazy.

I think 2025 will be our last chance to meet. I don't know if this love letters will eventually get to you. but just for you to know, i never feel like wasting my time when we're together.

We've come so far only to drift away. Why does every moment have to be so hard? let's give us another chance shall we? don't you want us to hold each other's close? we can get through this as long as it's not one sided. as long as we have the same will. 

but sadly i feel like you are not feeling like you used to. i was just your past now. it kills me a little. i guess this is our 5th time losing contacts hahaha. break the records.

i hate it when you ignore me, i hate it when you make me laugh. even worse, when you make me cry. I hate it when you're not around. and the fact that you didn't call. But mostly i hate the way i don't hate you, not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all. and it breaks me.

All those unanswered question i gave to you. all those unanswered calls. all those ignored texts. it didn't hurt me, but something inside me died that day. for sure. you are so cold. i can't always be the understanding person and let you treat me like that. i want the feel of being needed by someone who is important to me. all those blood were never once pretty. it was all just red. 

I finally know, i finally understand. i didn't know you that much yet. can you show me more of your side? But, no answer is also an answer. i can't be chasing you again and again. i don't see any results. my legs are getting tired. you know my legs are short and tiny. my energy is draining. and you are so cold. i might freeze to death.

I feel it from the way you treat me. that night felt heavy. you're slowly letting go. are you turning off your phone? was i just a foolish one for you? the one who would entertain you in every mean? was i? was i? am i still too young?

Weird enough, why do we always find our way back to each other? why can i seem to let you go? why is it always you? this lingering feeling. it almost felt like heaven is laughing on us. i mean.. it's not different from yesterday. it's all the same, it's just you don't exist anymore. we were together until yesterday. funny eh?

udah aku blokir, bukannya ngelupain, malah bikin playlist, bikin buku. udah lama ga dipikirin.. MALAH KAMU NGE LIKE VT AKU bwajingsat maksuddd??!! runtuh lagi lah buset capek aku berpuisi dan mengungkapkan perasaanku dalam ratusan surat cinta yang tak sanggup aku kirimkan. aku akan mengirimkan sumpah serapah saja dilain hari. emang asooeee. kau pikir aku batman? engga sih, muahahahaha. gendeng. yes, guess who made me crazy? this dumbass.