Maybe You're the Reason Why

Chapter 9

A few minutes later, the loud booms are done, and everything goes eerily silent. I am disoriented and it takes me an embarrassingly long time to to realize the weight on my chest is actually Niklas. My eyes open wide as I see his eyes closed. I try to move my hand to see if he is breathing but its pinned under his weight. 

"Niklas?" I say concern dripping off my words. "NIKLAS? WAKE UP. YOU CAN'T BE DEAD. PLEASE. DON'T BE DEAD. YOU CAN'T BE DEAD BECAUSE OF ME!" 

Guilt. Such a funny thing is it not? When I was young, and I just came to this government compound, I wouldn't speak nor eat. I was placed in a home with this lovely, older woman. She was the closest thing to a parent I had. Every night, before I went to bed she used to say, Guilt. It's a funny thing really. You can see it or touch it. It's a feeling. But, my dear, this feeling, will eat you inside and out, until there is just a husk of a little girl left. She, unsurprisingly, killed herself one month later, but those words never left me. Guilt will eat you inside and out. I ran from guilt and any other feeling. But, it seems I have come to a dead end. There is nowhere left for me to run. The guilt of seeing the boy in front of me, dead. It was in fact eating me alive. Wait, what was he talking about earlier? Healing. How do I do it?  I take a deep breathe in and focus on, I don't know, him waking up? All my energy on one point? I'm not really sure. I just do. I feel this pressure in between both my eyes and it hurts so bad. I scream through my teeth trying to fight through the pain, but I can't. I stop and I can feel the tears welling up. You deserve to feel this guilt. You couldn't handle a little bit of pain to save his life? Imagine the pain he went through. Why? For you. I take a sharp inhale and realize that, well, the other me, the self deprecating me is, for once, right. I try again. I start focusing and the pain returns with a vengeance. I can feel the beads of sweat running down my neck and my entire body starts to heat up. I scream through my teeth and clench my fist until my fingernails are digging into my palm. It feels like I am carrying the entire building on my head until I hear an inhale. I realize that I have not been breathing this entire time. I take many breaths to replenish the valuable oxygen I have depriving myself of and look down at Niklas. He is breathing and his eyes are wide open.

  I close my eyes and say, "Are you? Are you really awake?"

Slowly, I feel the weight of his body on top of mine lessen as he sits up, slowly, but, well, it's something. 

"Did you," he swallows, "did you just save my life?"

"Maybe? Are you okay? Do we need to call the nurse? What happened?"

He chuckles and my face reddens. This hardly seems like the time to laugh

"Whoa, whoa, Spitfire! Calm down! Slowly."

I take a deep breath, and I start again. "Are you okay?"

"I think so. Next question."

"Nurse? Doctor?"

"I'll figure it out later."

"Not good enough."

"What is this an interrogation? I'm fine Spitfire. Don't worry."

"Don't worry," I scoff.

"Anymore questions?"

"Yes actually. What just happened?"

"I think that there has been attack. Sonic bombs maybe? That would explain the sounds. I'm not entirely sure, but seeing as though the ceiling didn't collapse on us, I'm pretty sure this wing wasn't hit. The construction for is place is embarrassingly bad. Each wing is connected so if it gets hit, the whole place goes down."

"One last question."

He rolls his eyes but I see the shadow of his smirk so I continue. 

"Before the, whatever that just whatever that just was, you were. um, saying something?" My voice goes up an octave at the end and I cringe. What is wrong with you? It's like you've forgotten how to talk!

"Right," he sighs. "I was telling you about the second mutation. As you know, the first mutation, the common mutation, allows you to heal other people."

"Right, that's why you're still breathing." Why, why, WHY would you say that! Shut. Up. 

"Right. Anyways, the second mutation is more complicated. There have only been two other people known to have mutation so we don't know much about it. There are, however, two things that we do know. First off, this second mutation only happens about once every two generations. Second, we don't fully understand the rules and limits to the ability this mutation gives you and we suspect that it is slightly different for every person, but the one common factor that we have seen from the last two people was that is gives you the ability to heal yourself. However, this ability has some weakness that is unique to the individual. For the last two people, this weakness developed after some pivotal event and it is usually connected to something important to them."

What. Just. Happened? I take in a deep breathe and try to grasp and information he just said so calmly. 

"Sorry Spitfire," he says sheepishly. "That was a lot wasn't it?"

I can only bring myself to nod, very slowly.  

"So, I can heal myself?"

"Yes."

"Okay then."

"Alright, I'm going to let you rest now. You have been through a lot and have a lot to thing about." 

He bites his lip and seems to resolve some inner conflict. He puts out his hand and I have to consciously rip my eyes away from his and his mouth, and, well, his face. When I look down at his hand, I see a cellphone. What? Where did he get this? I realize that ever since meeting him, I have been so much more distrustful and honestly, way more annoying. 

"Take it," he says. "My number is already loaded in there. Text or call me if you have any questions."

I realize that my mouth is hanging open and I close it with an audible click. He puts the phone in my hand and leaves.

"Go to the nurse of the doctor! I probably did not heal you very well!"

"We start training tomorrow," he says still walking away from me. 

"Training? What training?" I call out after him but he just lifts his hand and waves goodbye. Why is he always leaving in such a hurry after telling my the most mind-shattering information! 

I watch him walk further and further down the hall until my human eyes fail me and I can't see him anymore. I realized too late that I never got to ask him why he saved me.