Loser/Lover

Efforts in Vain

Hmm so here i am, to introduce another person who i will call- vain.

I met vain on the same application as the angst guy one, it took a few days of feeling depressed and sad but i made my account again(i had deleted my account because i thought I met the love of my life when i was talking to angst). It wasn't as fun as before, i was quite uninterested and bitter from inside but i had nothing else to do so there i was, scrolling my time away.

One of the people that i matched with was vain, he was 5'5 or something I don't remember.. and 22 i think. Yeah older guy i know, also one more thing that you must know- he belonged to a different religion. A religion that's always on odds with mine.

Though it didn't matter to me.

Talking to him was like talking to myself- when i am making jokes that nobody finds funny, yeah he was that way. We talked, he was nice and i really liked his views on society and people in general. In short- our thoughts matched and it was nice to talk to him. I gave him my snapchat account and we started talking on a regular basis, and as i got to know him i also felt that we were similar in more than one ways. What always made me sus was that he kept inviting me to meet up, he was around 2 hours away from my place and the way he just kept insisting all the time- it was very suspicious.
And i am sorry to say, but because of lack of trust and stereotypes related to his religion- i.. was very very sceptical of him. I must say rather than the religion stereotypes, the reason of my lack of trust was something he told me, on his own accord. Now, i tried my best to keep all these stereotypes behind and just try to trust him that he's a normal guy and not a serial killer but the thing that he told me...
Honestly..who can do that?

Not me.

I am not going to lie, i didn't act like a sane person either as i would keep lying and lying and lying about myself to him (in my defence,i didn't trust him). The bad thing about lying is, you gotta keep track of what you told people and i, who can't even remember details of my real life clearly couldn't track the details of my imaginary life.

So yeah he caught on.. i didn't try to save myself either as.. what's the point. Lying is exhausting. But yeah he was hurt - or was pretending to..i don't know.

"If i don't even know what sort of person i am talking to, what's the point? I atleast expect you to be honest with me, or just say you don't want to tell me"

That's when i felt guilty.. i realised that instead of lying i could have just said that i don't want to tell him and that i will, when i feel like it. Afterwards i had to give him the proof of where i lived was actually the place i lived, and that my age was correct or not(i sent him the picture of my college id). He would still bring it up though at times, and be sarcastic about it.
Well i deserved it.

He truely was honest. Although whether he was actually honest or not i would never know, but i got this feeling that he was.

So did i end up falling for him?

Maybe i did.
Just a tad bit.

But what i fell for was his texting self. It's very weird, and i feel like i am going paranoid but everytime he texted me he was someone that i found very adorable, and he didn't come off as the sort of person he seemed like when we would talk on calls.
It was like talking to two different people. I don't know..maybe i was talking to two different people.

At first we were mostly texting, and after i was caught red handed lying about my whole origin, i started to be more honest about myself. He would often flirt and tell me that if we ever meet, he's going to make moves which i am ashamed to admit but.. kind of made me embarrassed and shy. I mentioned it to him once how he just kept saying he would make "moves" when he hasn't even asked how I feel about it.
He had the most adorable reply.