5SOS' ONE SHOTS

Our Past // Michael Clifford

A/N : THERE MIGHT BE A TRIGGERING PART DONT READ IF YOU ARE NOT COMFORTABLE WITH SELF-HARM, SUICIDE, AND STUFFS LIKE THAT. the photo is your current position and there will be a song called 'james dean and audrey hepburn' but im not quite sure if thats the right title. + this is probably the longest story ive ever written so yeah its gonna be (very) long prepare yourself :)
---------------------------------

im sharing earphones with my boyfriend, michael in my bed. his left hand under my neck. we stay like that for a long time. nothing but music filling our ears. yes, it is silent but it isnt awkward at all. its comforting.

James Dean and Audrey Hepburn by Sleeping With Sirens starts playing. i put this in our playlist. i love this song. it turns out he loves it too. he starts moving his hand that was under my neck to hug me tight to his chest. "i love you" he said "your forever is all i need," he quoted the song. i laughed and i looked up to him, "i love you too mikey".

"no i mean it. i really love you princess, you're the best thing that has ever happened to me. you mean everything to me and that sounds hella cheesy but its true. i'd be nothing without you. i love you baby please dont ever leave me?" he looks down at me with a pair of eyes that are full of hope.

"i meant it too mikey i really do love you. and you're also the best thing that has ever happened to me. and i think you mean more to me than i mean to you because you saved my life michael, what i meant by saved isnt just about you pulling me back from the bridge where i was supposed to jump, no. you cured me michael, no one could ever cured me, not even a therapist. i built a wall so no one could ever get in and break me even more. but michael, for some reason God was so good to me that He sent you to break that wall. not to break me but to save me. Thank you mikey. i love you. and i swear i'd never leave you" i hug him back tighter than before because i mean it. i'd never want to leave him. he's the only thing that makes me happy in this world. without him i'd be dead.

we pull away just to kiss. it wasnt too long nor too short, and it wasnt too rough or too slow, it was just perfect. his lips was so soft i would kiss him every time if i could.

"Lullabies" by Nickelback starts playing. Michael loves Nickelback. he puts it in our playlist. but little does he know this used to be the song i listened to everyday when i was still depressed and suicidal. i listen to the song and remember every words perfectly. not only the lyrics of the song that pop out in my head, but also the worst memories of my life back then. i remember my mom and dad were minding their own businesses. sometimes i used to feel like we were just strangers that live in the same house.

one day when i was cutting in my room in the middle of the night, my mom came into my room and saw what i did. i didnt lock the door because my parents couldnt care less about me they barely check on me. she immediately yelled all the worst words i could ever hear from a mother. "what the fuck are you doing have you lost your mind? oh my god jesus it leaves scars on your fucking arms. dont you know that? it'll make me so embarrassed when people see it! you're such a disgrace! from now on you must fucking wear nothing but long-sleeved clothes that will cover those ugly scars! i dont want people to see it! and you must wear jacket or sweater everyday when you go to school. oh my god you're such a useless daughter. just.. dont forget that you idiot." as she walked out of the door she cursed something like "what a fucking disgrace"

how could a MOTHER said that to her own daughter? oh yeah right, like i said earlier we were just strangers. i was fucking bleeding and all she cared was about me being a disgrace because i cut. she never even came back to give me a bandage or whatever to clean my scars or gave me something that could heal it. i swear i would never do that to my future kid if i ever have one.

"hey babe are you okay? what happened? shh actually dont answer that i love you okay everythings gonna be okay. im here im here shhhh calm down princess its okay" he keeps stroking my hair and rubbing my back and hugged me tighter. i didnt realize i was crying on michael's chest until he woke me up from my nightmare. as soon as i realize it i quickly let michael go, sat up, and wipe my tears.