Why can't I just be Normal?

The past.

My hallucinations were bad tonight.

I was scared, cowering in a corner, watching as the person walked around my room. My parents weren't home tonight and my sister locked me in my room so she could have time with her boyfriend, leaving me alone.

I didn't wanna be here anymore. I hated it. I didn't have anyone to talk to, I didn't have my plushies to comfort me, I didn't want to move. I couldn't move. I couldn't do anything.

I felt like I was glued to the floor, I was trapped in fear. I was useless and I felt worthless.

I started to hear whispers. They didn't sound like anything at first, then they got louder. Louder, Louder, And louder until I could make out what they were saying,

"Look... at the table."

I looked around, my eyes landed on my desk. My eyes widened for a second. There was a knife on the table. The knife wasn't there before, but I didn't question it.

I Suddenly felt the urge to cut myself. I needed to feel something other than fear...Even if it was pain. I took the knife, I hesitated before cutting into the soft flesh of my wrist.

....

I did it. My arm hurt, the marks stung when I touched them. They left crimson blood on my finger tips that kept dripping on the floor, before I knew it I felt dizzy.

Why would I do that...?

Then I woke up in cold sweat, my heart beating 100 miles a minute, and my breathing shaky. I looked around when I realised that this wasn't my bedroom. it was a hospital room and a nurse was beside me, staring at me like I was some creature from Alice and wonderland.

"Oh, you're awake!" The nurse said as she started checking my breathing, heartbeat, etc. When she saw I was fine, she sighed. "You've been out for two days, your family is worried about you."

"...really? Whoa." I mumbled, almost not believing that my family would care. "They...are worried?"

The nurse nodded. I thought they didn't care about me, much less if I was in the hospital. I was proved wrong. I glanced around the hospital room again, trying to remember what happened. I collapsed onto the bed and looked at the ceiling unmoving for a long while before the nurse asked if I was okay. I didn't respond. I felt heavy and tired.

"Hey, kid." The nurse tried to get my attention, to which I didn't respond again. "Hello?" Her voice faded out as my vision went blurry and I passed out again.

Darkness was what I saw for a long time. I could hear people talking on and off for a while. I heard more footsteps came in and out of the room, until one day it stopped. I could open my eyes again, so I did. I saw the hospital room again, white and plain like always.

No one was here this time. I was alone.