Why can't I just be Normal?

Nightmare

I swiftly sat up in bed, dripping in sweat. It was all just a dream.

"I can't believe I keep reliving this..." I said to myself. But, this did leave questions. I could probably relive that a thousand times and it would still feel surreal. All I remember after waking up is the whiteness of the hospital room, the deadly quiet, and being alone. I just couldn't believe that; but it happened. Every time I did something stupid I felt like I'd end up there again. In that hospital room where I felt so alone. I pushed my thoughts to the back of my mind and looked around, making sure I was still in my room. I was. My face also felt funny. I took a mental note to look in the mirror later.

I sat up and got my glasses off the night stand—except they weren't there. Weird. I turned on the light to look for them, and I saw Emma. She was there laying on the floor next to my bed, it looked like she had cried herself to sleep; And she had my glasses.

Why did she have my glasses? Why was she on the floor? Why was there tears running down her checks? I had more questions.

I got out of bed and crouched down next to her, carefully talking my glasses out of her hand. I put my glasses on, then walked out of my room, and down the stairs. There was dried blood on the bottom step. That was worrying, what happened? I couldn't remember. I got a headache the more a thought about it.

It was dark downstairs and when I looked at the clock it read 00:37. It was late, and I still hadn't eaten dinner. Not that I needed dinner. It'd be nice to get some food in my system, though. But for some reason, this didn't feel like my Appartement. The atmosphere was never particularly nice, but it was just off today. I didn't like it. It felt like it was choking me and weighting me down.

I liked it better when it was just my dad angrily folding clothes in the living room.

I walked over to the kitchen and opened the fridge, getting a cheese stick. I was glad my parents at lest still got them. They stopped buying snacks for Emma and me after a while, but they made an exception for cheese. I ate my cheese stick, my eyes aimlessly wondering the room.

After I finished my snack, I went back to my room. My sister was still asleep on the floor. She was cold, I could tell. I looked at my bed. That was my blanket, why should I give it to her? Then I'd be cold. She should be in bed, not on the floor my room.

Worried?

They could never be worried, much less the same sister that made me hate myself so much. My stomach felt empty, there was something wrong. I realised that I was staring down at Emma who had woken up.

"What are you looking at, loser?!" Emma asked. Her voice was raspy and she sounded angry. I don't know what I did wrong, I just got back into my bed and pretended to go to sleep. Emma got up and left, I flinched when she slammed the door. I swear I heard her say something along the lines of: "He was staring at me?! Delulu loser!" as she left.

I would have said I'm sorry or apologise, but I couldn't speak. Nothing would come out. I was just shaken up. I tired to go to sleep, but I was so paranoid I couldn't. I felt so alone, yet I felt like I was being watched at the same time. If I went to sleep or turned my back to them, it would be deadly.