𝕮𝖚𝖆𝖓𝖉𝖔 𝖘𝖔𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖓𝖌𝖆𝖘 𝖒𝖎 𝖒𝖆𝖓𝖔

Poem 22- I made the promise

Yesterday, I was thinking,

I'm going on a trip,

and I want to make a male friend,

Who will pay attention to me,

Who will take care of my emotions.

But then I remembered you,

Remembered all the things that could happen to me,

All the things that could happen if I broke the promise,

The promise you never spelled out,

The promise I made to myself.

Waiting for a man,

Waiting for a man that could never love me,

My heart hurts, but I made the promise.

I made the promise to show my hidden love,

My hidden love to a person who doesn't love me,

To a person who doesn't even talk to me.

Is this the boy God has for me?

Or is it the boy I want for me?

He's just older, I'm just younger.

Yesterday I saw a movie,

It was about a girl who ran away from her house,

Slapped her mother, shouted at her father,

For being the wife of a man who's older.

Do you know what happened?

The girl regretted everything she did,

Because the man cheated on her.

This is what I am afraid of.

Will you cheat on me?

Will you ever kiss me?

Will you ever try to love me?

Am I the girl you would die for?

Today I was thinking about my steps,

I was thinking,

Why did I make the promise?

When I see him, it feels like being on a cloud,

But then I feel he could be with another girl,

The cloud vanishes, leaving a sharp pain in my chest,

A pain stronger than you might imagine.

The promise was another poem I wrote,

Promising to wait for his return from abroad,

In about three years, possibly.

You might not remember, but I mentioned,

He graduated from high school, and I'm just in 8th grade,

You can imagine, he's going to study abroad,

And I'm left with my mental struggle.

Every time he looks at me, my heart races,

But then I remember how he looked at me,

I recall that he looked at me coldly,

Though I don't know why, it feels like rejection,

Even though I never confessed anything.

His gaze is icy, but it's like falling into a deep dream.