The Hybrid

14: Beck

I've been avoiding Willow like the black plague.

Not because I don't want to be around her, but because I do want to be around her. I think living with her is making the bond stronger. Every day my body and mind betray me a little more. I feel like an alien inside of my being. It seems as though the more I keep myself from her the more I think of her, want her attention, and even crave that sparkling feeling that comes with her touch.

I'd been doing good with keeping my distance from her, only making contact with her when I had to. I was doing so well up until she fought Jax. All the pent-up energy and anxiety that comes with keeping myself away from her came to a head when she fought him. When I saw that she and him were about to fight I was nervous about how it would end. When the fight began and I saw that she wasn't doing so bad I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt.

However, all hell broke loose inside of me when I saw his hands wrapped around her neck. Something inside me snapped and suddenly all I could see, hear, think or even feel was red. I know I can be ill-tempered at times, but I'd never felt that kind of fury if you could even call it that. It was more than anger, rage, or fear for her. It was everything all wrapped into one. I couldn't control myself. I wanted blood. I kept punching him, fighting him hoping that at some point I'd feel satisfied, but the feeling never came. Now, I know that had it not been for Willow stopping me, I wouldn't have been satisfied until Jax was dead.

To say the least, it's disturbing to know that Willow, a girl whom I barely knew, could cause me to feel something so dangerous, but could also quell that feeling with just a few calming words and simple touches.

She's starting to take control of me. She doesn't know which is good, but this is something I need to stay mindful of. I have to keep this influence she has over me in check if she's going to continue staying with us. It won't be easy.

It's been a couple of days since the fight. She still has a few bruises on her neck from the excessive strangling. Every time I see them it makes me want to go back and torture Jax some more. The only thing keeping me from doing so is the knowledge that Jax is sporting similar bruises on his neck.

That and the fact that he's not walking free.

After the incident I had him taken to one of our holding cells in the dungeon of the castle where he'll remain until I feel like he deserves to come out. Bennett says that I'm being petty and passive-aggressive by locking him up. I don't care. He shouldn't have broken the rules and hurt Willow. So as of now he's on my shit list and being on my list means receiving all punishments I see fit.

"Beckett, are you ready to go?" Olivia asks me, pulling me from my thoughts.

I nod as I stand from my seat.

Breakfast is just coming to an end. Today is Willow's second appointment with Olivia and as usual, I am to be dragged along for the ride.

Willow, Dr. Oliver, and I walk out of the dining hall and to the castle's small infirmary with me trailing behind the two women. They mindlessly chat about how good the breakfast was. Olivia dominates the conversation and Willow lets her. Willow just nods and smiles every once in a while. It isn't a disingenuous nodding and smiling though. Willow just isn't very talkative, but you can see that she is interested in everything Olivia has to say about breakfast. Willow is nicer than most others in that way. She's always giving everyone respect -even when they don't deserve it- and being attentive when others are speaking even if it is about something as silly as "pancakes or waffles". It is something that I admire about her very much. I can appreciate her kindness and the level of respect she has for others.

I'm so opposite from Willow in so many ways. I don't understand how we're mates. Willow is nice, I'm not. Willow is respectful, I'm not. Willow is patient, I'm not. Willow is giving, I'm not. Willow is warm and inviting, I'm not.