made up things we'll never really say : stozier

14

richie

love is difficult to understand, and weird, and a little gross, and a lot funny. love is also out on the deck, like he is every morning, except he's left his slippers in front of the door so richie's feet aren't cold.

richie gets it now. he loves stanley. and somewhere, maybe in the infinitesimal space between the two of them when they lie together, or the way stanley's always smiling when he rolls his eyes, richie knows stanley loves him too.

richie knows there is a universe where he does not get to love stanley like this, and he knows that version of him is kicking him in the shin for not having said anything earlier. he doesn't care what will come later, he loves stanley now and forever and he's willing to fight anything or anyone for it.

the kettle clicks. the water has boiled. richie pours it into their mugs, taking a moment to stir his cup while stanley's tea seeps. richie has—through what he can only assume is a miracle—found someone who fits perfectly into ever aspect of his life. if they weren't meant to love each other, why would their hands fit so perfectly together?

he puts his spoon and stan's teabag in the sink. he picks up the mugs, warming both of his hands. then he walks to the door, bites his lip for a second, and uses his elbow to open the door.

stanley's head turns, smiling to see richie.

richie knows a lot more than he did yesterday. but he knows too that he knows nothing compared to tomorrow.

"hey," stan takes the mug from richie. richie feels stan's icy fingertips on his own, and he gets goosebumps.

richie shuts the door behind him with his foot (slippers on and everything), and sits down next to stan.

"i'm in love with you, you know that?" richie says, watching his coffee steam mix with his breath.

stan laughs in a short exhale. "i hoped so. i love you too."

it's so simple. it's easy like nothing has ever come between them.

"i figured." richie wants stanley to tell him where to stand and how to live, but instead he just looks over at him. stan has one of those small, knowing smiles on his face. he's looking down at his mug. richie rubs his fingers on the warm mug between them, still entranced merely by the boy beside him. 

richie has made mistakes. many, many, incredibly stupid, absolutely inane, and downright atrocious mistakes. but this is not one of them. and in any case, it's the best mistake he could ever choose to make. his heart will carry the weight of all the things he has never said, but this will not be one of those things. he will have said i love you, stanley uris, until his voice dies out. 

he cannot see beyond stanley. not right now. all he needs to see is stanley. 

stanley, with his perfectly hooked nose, and crazy long eyelashes, and perfectly dimpled skin, textured in all the right places. stanley, with his shoulders slumped, breathing in the steam from his tea, the solutions to the mysteries of the world held in stanley's hands, pale and red wrapped around his mug.

"it's funny." stanley chuckles, "i don't even know why i kissed you. i've loved you forever, but that night just... happened. i've never given in to an impulse like that before."

"you should give in more often, i guess," richie grins, and stan meets his gaze. 

the stars—though richie can't see them right now—align as their eyes meet each others, richie is sure. 

"i'll try." stan looks away, as if he's in disbelief.

"how are you doing today?" richie asks, then bringing his mug to his mouth. the coffee is bitter, but he doesn't mind. it will wake him up, bring him to life so that he might meet stanley at his level of (en)lightenment that stanley always seems to have, 

"okay, i guess," stanley's answer is vague, but it does seem to soothe him slightly, making eye contact once again briefly with richie.

"okay, well that's better than it was yesterday." richie scoots his chair closer to stanley's, risking the integrity of the folding chair as he bumps his arm against stan's.

"i guess. i guess it'll all get better right? if i have you, anyway," stanley muses, and richie watches his cheeks redden as he looks up at richie. 

"yeah. and you do have me! forever. if that's... alright with you." richie feels coy, for the first time since stanley kissed him in the bar, richie feels shy and unsure how to proceed, other than to keep loving stanley.

"of course it is, stupid."

richie leans over and kisses him. stanley lets him, though richie is sure stan doesn't love the coffee mouth richie currently possesses. still, the kiss is warm, unlike the air surrounding them from any other direction. 

when they back away, richie knows what to say, "and it will get better. it simply has to." 

stan smiles, and richie has never been more sure of anything he's ever said in his entire life.