City of the Anguished

Too Late

The touch of your lips lingers as the door shuts and all I am left with is your scent. Your voice saying the three words ring in my ears. Your eyes going dull when I don't say them back flash in my mind. The wall I built around me creates a barrier- stopping me from running behind you and expressing my emotions.

How do I explain to you that I am haunted by your absence when you are not near? How do I say that the reason for me to gaze at the sky for long hours is because it reminds me of your eyes? How can I express anything of this sort when I am afraid- not of love; but of the fall.

Half a year has staggered- and I still await a reply from you. While you fought at the frontiers, I fought my demons.

Tumbled hair and half-asleep eyes, I run towards the knock, but in your place stood a postman with two letters in his hand.

I had never pictured myself as a bride- let alone a widow.

Your letter arrived, honey, but it arrived too late.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Blessed was I to experience a love like never before, but cursed were we to be born amidst the feuds between two families. I remember laughing at such tales when I was little but life always has a way to turn laughter into pain.

A part of you grows inside me even as I get into the carriage with the man I exchanged two words with.

I lie on the bed with him so you don't lie somewhere with a bullet inside your heart. I kiss him on the neck so my father does not strangle yours. I let him strip me so that my family does not strip your life away.

If love can be real, so can be hate- and I loved you enough to meet this fate.

Maybe you received my email, maybe you did not; but when my mail arrives, it is already too late.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Infatuation turned into a crush and the crush turned into love. How delighted was I to know that you felt the same! The memories of us in the classroom- tangled within each other, holding on to each other while we whisper promises in our ears- I had found my place in the world and that was next to you.

Love is bliss and did we experience it- one year as your student and two as your other half.

Staring at the 38 missed calls and 20 text messages, I wait outside the ER. Irrational thoughts pass through my head, as I glance at your wife across the lobby who wishes you were dead. Maybe the accident could have been prevented had I not left the car in anger or maybe there is an alternate universe where we are painting the walls together and everything is fine.

Maybe if I checked my phone earlier I would not have received your texts so late.