The heart that saved me (A Mialotte story)

1. Breathe me

My chapter titles are song titles!🩶
Tw: mentions of depression, divorce, self harm, panic attacks.
A/n: time stamps are not accurate to the actual storyline on charlotte's page!
Important authors note at the end!

Charlotte was a very bubbly and sweet woman. She was kind and patient with everybody, she had a heart for kids. Everytime something was wrong with somebody, she was the first to notice, and of course, help them. She was almost like an angel. Not to mention the fact that she was absolutely gorgeous. Tho, beneath all of this, was a not so very happy Charlotte. She was shielding great pain, and no one noticed something was wrong with her.

January 6, 2024

I dont know what is wrong with me. I know i just divorced my husband, so thats a reason to be sad, but there is more to my sadness. I dont know what it is, but i am really struggling. I have occasional panic attacks, i cannot seem to get out of bed in the morning and my mind is a blur all day. Only negative thoughts, only voices in my head telling me bad things. I feel my days blending together. Everyday is the same. Its a battle to get through. I am so tired, i am trying i really am! Nobody seems to notice what i am going through. All my friends at the nursery by now know that i went through a divorce, but nobody seems to notice i am struggling more than that. Except for maybe one person...

6:00AM.
Time to wake up char. Another day to get through. Another day putting up a fake smile, when youre secretly falling apart. Another day dealing with parents. Another day... i dont know how much more of this i can take, i dont know when i will break. Im trying to stay strong, for carly, my babies, the nursery, but i am slowly giving up.
As i arrive at the nursery, marjorie calls me into her office. "Hello my love," she begins. "How are you doing? The divorce going okay? I am so sorry but the sister nursery is completely understaffed and we need cover over there. Is it okay for you to go over there?" Great. The sister nursery. Its not like i hate going there, ever since shiobhan left and reece took over, it had been a great nursery actually. The staff was starting to warm up to others, and it was way beter managed. There was also a certain someone there, Amelia Roberts. Everyone revered to her as Mia, though. Nobody really liked Mia, and Mia never really seemed to like them either. In fact, Mia didn't like anyone at all. She would always pick on people, ruin people, just overall rude things. Except for one person. Charlotte. Mia had a soft spot for Charlotte, she cared about her. She noticed every single detail. Even Mia knew about Charlottes divorce, after charlotte broke down to Mia when Mia realised charlotte was not doing okay. After that she started telling more people. "Hey Marjorie, im okay thank you, yeah the divorce is going okay. Sure don't worry, i'll go over there right now."

As i make my way to the sister nursery thoughts begin to flood my mind. 'You are not enough.' 'Marjorie just didnt want to see you today. She's pushing you away.' 'Nobody there likes you!' 'The kids wont listen to you' 'youre pathetic and boring' tears start falling down my cheek, as i quickly wipe them away. I cannot show my weakness. I need to stay strong. Especially with Mia nearby... mia always made charlotte feel a certain way. Mia made charlotte feel seen, safe, maybe even loved? She didnt know what it was.

I make my way into the office, where i am greeted by Mia, as reece is not in yet. "Oh hello sweetheart.. you here to cover?" Mia asks. Mia always revered to charlotte as sweetheart, she had nicknames for almost everyone. "Hey Mia, yeah i am. What room should i go?" "The Baby room is it for you today. Are you okay with that?" "Yeah sure no problem ill head over there right now. Thank you!" I say as i walk away. Suddenly i am stopped by mia grabbing my arm and turning me around. "Charlotte?" She asks, i just nod. "Will you tell me when you are struggling? You look tired sweetheart..." she has a worried look on her face. I dont know what to say. I dont know where to look. I put on a fake smile. "Im okay mia, but i will. Thank you" i quickly walk away. Why does she care so much? Am i one of her little games? She did look really worried. Is it that obvious? No, it cannot be. Nobody else noticed. Maybe Mia is just really observent.

The day was harder then i expected it to be. I had no energy, and my mind was flooded with thoughts. My heart kept racing through the day, my hands were sweaty and my eyes were foggy the entire day. I was so drained. My heart felt heavy. I needed release, i needed someone to talk to. But i couldn't. I had to stay strong. Nobody knew i was struggling, and i was aiming to keep it that way. I didn't want to seem weak.

At the end of my shift, Mia called me into the office. Reece wasnt there. "Sweetheart, i am worried about you. You dont look alright! Are you okay?" I don't know what to do. I tried to hide it so hard, how come she always sees right through me?! "Mia im fine, really. Just a little tired." Is all i say. She gives me a sad smile. "Promise me you will call me when you need me? You have my number." "Promise."

8:00PM
I am in my house, all alone. My babies are with their dads, and there is nothing to help me calm my thoughts. I look down at my body. Its full of scars and wounds, scars and wounds that no one has seen before. It had become a habit when i started feeling this way. It was a way to release my inner ache. It was a way to distract. When you feel pain on the inside, you can drown it out by creating pain on the outside. I look down at myself. These scars make me ugly. No one can see my body. I am ugly. Tears start falling down my cheek. I cant do this anymore. I cannot do this alone anymore. I pick up my phone. I hesitate for a second. What if she doesn't want to help me, what if shes busy? What if she was joking earlier today? What if i am just one of her little games? So many what ifs... but i really cannot take this anymore. I call mia. Tears still streaming down my face. She picks up after the second ring.

"Sweetheart are you okay?" Is the first thing she asks me. "Mia i am so sorry to call you but i really need someone to talk to i cant do this anymore" i manage to choke out. "Im on my way right now, hold on for me sweetheart" she says before she hangs up.

Within 10 minutes i hear a knock on my door. I go to open it. Mia. "Oh sweatheart..." is all she can say seeing the state of me. I fall into her arms, not saying a word. All i can do is cry. I broke. All she can do is just hold me...

Thank you for reading! Im sorry that its such a heavy topic and that its sad, but i promise it will get better soon and that it will become a cute book in the end❤️
I am writing this book to spread awareness.
To show you that no matter how bad it gets, it will get better. You will survive.❤️
To ask you to take care of the people around you, to take care of yourself. You never know what someone is going through, you never know if someone needs a little helping hand. I know what its like to struggle with your mental health, and then have no one there who u can talk to. And its so hard, its terrifying, i know it is. But you will survive! To anyone out here who is struggling, i am here for you. Dont be afraid to reach out. I am always here to listen. ❤️🫂
I hope you 'enjoyed' this chapter!

~🩶