It Would've Been You

VII

𝐈 𝐑𝐔𝐒𝐇 𝐓𝐎 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐋𝐈𝐁𝐑𝐀𝐑𝐘 the moment the bell rings for lunch.

I wanted to catch Sydney at the perfect time. I spent my spare change on flowers to guarantee her acceptance of my apology. I push the door open, holding a bouquet of tulips in one hand. I spot her small figure between one of the aisles and speed-walk my way over.

"Hey," I say when I pop my head around the corner.

I'm not sure what to expect. I just hope she doesn't ignore me. Though, she wouldn't be wrong to do so. She takes a few seconds too long to notice me, pursing her lips.

"Hello, Mora." At least she's still using my nickname.

That's a good sign.

"Can we talk?" I feel like a dog with a tail between its legs. She doesn't deserve to be treated like this. Sydney looks at the bouquet in my hand and sighs. I'm sure she's contemplating whether to take them or finish what she was doing.

"About?" She answers sharply as she turns to face me.

My eyes drop to the floor.

"I'm sorry." For starters, "I'm sorry for missing your texts, and avoiding you, and–"

"It's fine," Syd turns back to the pile of books she was shelving. I've lost her attention.

I walk around her, placing the flowers on the books before continuing. "Seriously, what I did was shitty. But my mom left, and I've been taking care of my sister alone while my dad drinks all day–"

"It's fine, Mora." She repeats. "You're going through a lot, I get it."

I slump my shoulders. I admit, it was also wrong of me to dump all my problems on her. But how else am I supposed to explain why I didn't want to speak to her after all this time?

"You could've told me that," Sydney adds.

"You know, since we're best friends and all."

Her tone stings slightly, but she's right. This isn't the first time I've shut her out when something happened in my personal life. And knowing how I am, it won't be the last either. However, she's the only friend I have. I can't lose her.

"Sydney, please." I'm pleading, "What do I do for you to forgive me?"

She drums her hand on the bookshelf, before looking at me, "Be honest with me, for once."

My eyebrows furrow.

"It hurts." She says, "I'm here for you, Morgan. Through everything. You don't have to push me away."

I bite my cheek. Hard. It's easy for Sydney to say those things – because she doesn't know how utterly damaged I am, especially on the inside. I don't want to be a burden to her. Or to anyone. Asking for help won't get me anywhere but back to the start.

She drops the books in her hand and wraps her arms around my neck. "I'm worried about you, Mora."

Everyone seems to be.

Everyone except my mother.

I rest my head on her shoulder, breathing slowly.

"I don't want you to try to. ." Her voice trails off. I don't need to hear her words. They're too triggering.

". .not again," She mutters.

She pulls away, not quite letting me go, as she scans my face, taking in everything I've tried to hide beneath the makeup on my face. "My mom said if you or Avery ever need anything. . you can call." She squeezes my arms slightly.

"Please, call." Syd whispers.

I pick up the flowers, this time handing them to her. "I bought these for you. I know you love tulips."