I stood in front of the bathroom mirror, the fluorescent light flickering overhead like a bad omen. My reflection was a twisted, hypocritical version of myself: eyes puffy from sleepless nights, hair a mess, and a frown etched deep onto my lips. I touched my lips, still remembering the unfortunate warmth of Paige's kiss, the way they felt unnatural on mine.
What I did was reckless, but exhilarating, and with that came a feeling of regret that I had yet to shake. The betrayal to Juju felt like a noose tightening around my heart.
"Fuck, man."I whispered to myself, my voice barely a breath.
Of course I felt shitty. Juju had just done similar—if not the same, shit to me and I got on her ass for it; and now I feel like shit for doing the same thing.
The memory of Juju's smile flashed before me, bright and genuine. She's just so beautiful and such a breath of fresh air at times, I really just can't believe myself.
I can hear her voice echoing in my ears, a sweet melody that contrasted sharply with the dissonance ringing in my chest. At times I still smell her scent, a very distinctive yet expensive scent, but now all I could smell was guilt.
I turned on the faucet, the water splashing loudly against the porcelain sink. And each drop felt like a countdown, echoing my regrets. I splashed my face, hoping that maybe it'd wash away the shame that was consuming me, but it clung to me like a second skin.
It was supposed to be a simple visit—family, old friends, a break from LA and school. Not this. But it's not like I meant for this to happen. It was an impulsive decision and I was just ... too far gone in the moment to even clock what was happening. But I can admit that I didn't enjoy it at all.
A part of me—in the moment, thought that since me and Judea aren't dating, it wouldn't sting as much, but I stood corrected. It stung. Bad. But why I'm so emotional about it all is still a mystery to myself.
Me and Juju aren't in a relationship, we've only ever kissed once, we only ever hang out at practice, and we don't ever have time to just be by ourselves together. So why my actions of "betrayal" are hurting so much is beyond me.
I grabbed my phone, scrolling through the messages. Juju had sent me a few but I couldn't get myself to respond, not with the amount of guilt I've been feeling:
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