$uicideBoy$ Oneshots/Imagines

Space Cadet (Scrim)

"Scrim, wake up. It's time to take your meds."

Pulling the covers away from his face you notice his eyes were ajar as he was curled in a fetal position. One hand resting just above his stomach as his other was tucked under his head. Sleeping in a hoodie was one of his habits but right now? It's like he's trying to suffocate himself. Pulling down his hoodie, you touch his drenched forehead. Cold as usual.

Going through withdrawals after years of drug abuse is not as easy as some may make it out to be. Especially going cold turkey.

Seeing him be so out of touch when you were so used to seeing him being his goofy ass self, breaks your heart. Being strong was not your strong suit but you felt if you were to give up on trying to help him, he'd give up as well and slip back in to being constantly shitfaced. That wasn't a life and he knew that.

"Hey.." you speak softly as you use your sleeve to wipe away the sweat from his face. "we need to get you up, my love."

Blank stare off in to oblivion.

"Please?"

Nothing.

Running your fingers through his nappy hair as you sigh, you leave the pill bottle on the nightstand.

"I'll be back in a few minutes to check on you.. call or text me if you need me."

Silence.

Leaning down you place a light kiss to his cheek before exiting the room. Holding yourself together as you made your way downstairs but that soon comes crashing down as you reach the kitchen. Feeling the warm tears fall from your eyes, you cry to yourself silently. Loving someone is hard but loving them through their flaws and troubles is the hardest. Whomever said love is easy, they fucking lied.

-

"I just don't know what else to do?.. I'm trying so fucking hard to be patient but holy fucking shit I feel like I'm losing it. He doesn't eat, he doesn't talk— it's like he's a fucking space cadet. Last night I had to keep coming in to the room just to check and see if he even had a fuckin pulse." Crying as you try to get the words out, you shake your head. "I don't know what else to do, Ari."

"He'll be alright, If he didn't want to get clean do you really think he'd be putting himself through this shit? It's gon be okay. You worry too much."

Rolling your eyes, you place your phone down as you let him continue. You and Scrim were in isolation to keep him from caving. It was only for two months as the rehabilitation center requested due to Scrim refusing to do just about anything while he was in there by himself. His health was declining due to malnourishment but it's not like being home helped with that. Keeping your distance from him during it all was killing you. You missed the way he would hold you at night, the late night kisses, the way you'd crawl on top of him and lay your head on his chest to fall asleep. All of that was gone. For now. This was for the best.

"If worse comes to worse, we'll place his ass in the hospital."

Chuckling as you remember the one time Scrim landed in the hospital. He tried fighting off a little old lady nurse that was trying to put an IV on him.

"Zero probs shootin up but went full fuckin Hulk on that lady." Hearing Ari laugh put you in a bit of ease.

"I'm sorry." You close your eyes as you lay your head down on the armrest of the couch. "I'm just so tired.. physically and mentally. He's still refusing to take his meds."

"Don't trip, he'll snap out of it. Docs said if he goes far too long we know what to do—"

Your eyes open immediately. "Oh my fucking god."

"Wha—"

Tossing your phone, you run up the stairs as fast as you could. Bursting through the bedroom door you see him sitting up.

"Scrim? Baby, are you okay?" Rushing to him, you hold his face in your hands. Staring down at the medicine bottle you see it hadn't been touched. Calming yourself, you wrap your arms around him as you pull him close.

Two things you don't do to a recovery addict.

1. Don't force them to do anything.

2. Don't leave them alone with pills at arms reach.

"I'm so sorry." Letting the tears stream down your face once again. You hold him tightly. "I'm sorry if what I'm doing is not enough. I'm trying so hard.. I don't know how else to take the pain away. I'm so fucking sorry."

-

Getting him to take his meds wasn't easy but at least this time he took a bit of initiative. Trying to get him to eat was another thing. Baby steps. Making sure he was asleep before you grab yourself some clothes from your shared drawer, you take another glance at him. He looked like he was in pain but that wasn't anything new.

Turning on the shower, you let the water run for a bit before stepping in. As the hot water submerged over you, you felt your body relax. Your mind was racing and all you wanted to do was scream. Bottling things in for so long is tugging at your heart. Seeing the human you love more than anyone in this world suffering was hell on earth. The painful screams he would let out certain nights when he'd have nightmares. Having to hold him down yourself was a challenge. Hearing him cry that he'd rather be dead than to feel this way, begging for you to end his life. It was all too much.

You missed him. The way he'd put on a show while touring, the way his eyes lit up every time someone brought up one of his favorite teams, the small crows feet wrinkles around his eyes when he'd smile and laugh at Ruby's jokes. The late night runs to McDonald's before they closed and him getting offended when they offered him sauce for his nuggets. His warm embraces. The smell of his cologne lingering when he was away at the studio. Rolling his and Ruby's blunts while they sat and argued about how many blunts it would take to make Bob Marley croak. All of it. You missed it all.

Hearing the shower glass door open made you jump. You look back to see him getting in.

Fully clothed.

"Scrim, what's wrong? You're gonna get your clothes wet." Not caring, he pulled you in to him.

Being completely still for a few seconds until it hit you. You place your arms around him and cry against his chest. A bit weak but nonetheless he still gets a few words out, the ones you've been dying to hear again;

"I love you so much."