Mjolnir's Song

Chapter Five: tiny baby steps

Loki POV 

We all fall into a new routine. Korg and I wake up in the morning to cook together, we both game and I yell at the screen, and Thor crawls out of bed at noon, still very unlike himself. 

His hair grows shaggy and long, reaching to his shoulders in unwashed locks. He doesn't shave his face, letting a beard grow past his chin. He piles on weight, barely leaving the house or even getting up except to eat, use the bathroom, or go to bed. The days where I manage to convince him to bathe are good days for me. But he won't brush his hair, hardly even changes his clothes. 

One afternoon, Thor says with reddened eyes as he is curled up under a blanket, "Loki, you or Brunne must be King. I...I cannot do it. My mind sickness...it's just too severe."

I debate on telling him the truth, and then decide it might be best to be honest. "Thor...Brunne and I have been running the Kingdom on our own. She is King in all but name. You just....made it official."

He wipes his nose and chuckles ruefully. "Well. That's that, I guess. Now I see just how much my contribution is worth...which is to say not at all."

He hiccups and pours more beer down his throat. I feel something awful crawling up my throat. Thor was there for me all those years ago when I was going down a bad path. It's time for me to steer him back towards being healthy again. Eventually, he'll have to stop drinking, and I'll make him see a therapist and a psychiatrist. 

But for now, he's comfortable underneath a blanket, staring dazedly at the TV, spooning soup into his mouth. I feel a wave of protectiveness. Nothing bad will ever happen to him again if I can help it. 

One afternoon, one of the elders addresses me and Brunnhilde. "Where is Thor?"

I answer, "He is too ill to leave the house."

Heimdall adds, "Thor has also stepped down from being King, for his own health."

"May I see him?" Eir asks, concern written in her face. I smile kindly at her. After she saved me and Heimdall's lives, I would happily give her my right arm. 

I nod. "Yes. Frankly, I am getting desperate."

"Your Highness, just how ill is your brother?" A gray haired woman asks. 

I close my eyes with a sigh. "I would prefer to honor his privacy, madam. But his condition is serious. He needs space and time to heal. He was left for dead in space, and rescued by a band of Guardians. And the Blip...he witnessed Thanos do it himself."

"Why did Thor not stop Thanos? He is mighty, he could have easily done so!"

I grit my teeth, feeling my fists clench. 

"He tried! He tried several times! It nearly killed him!" Brunne yells, her face reddening. 

"Thanos was simply too powerful." Heimdall says gravely. "The Avengers, of which Thor was a part, tried their absolute best. Even others such as Captain Marvel, a very formidable woman, were involved and they still failed."

I breathe in relief, flashing him a grateful smile. He nods, a saddened expression in his eyes. 

"All those boxes of ale and casks of beer going to your house...is Thor the one drinking them all?" The same gray haired woman asks. 

Fuck. I nod. "No point in lying. Yes, that would be all him."

Eir shakes her head with sadness. "Oh dear."

When the meeting is adjourned, he comes up to me. "I would like to visit Thor. I am very concerned...and I have not had the chance to talk to him in quite some time."

I idly wonder when I became Thor's guard. "Go ahead. I cannot stop you. But don't try to get him to leave the house...it's fruitless and it causes him too much distress."

He grimaces. "I see him drinking as we speak. I do not want him to leave the house in that condition."

I sigh, shaking my head. "I haven't even tried getting him to stop yet...I just feel like it won't go well."

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Thor POV

Miraculously, I am left alone in the house as everyone else goes to the council meeting. At first I slouch on the sofa, watching TV and even trying to play Fortnite. I really do try my best, but I'm too drunk and I am beginning to think I've had some cognitive decline as I fail at the game, miserably. 

When I am killed for the tenth time, I yell and throw the controller. When that isn't satisfying, I smash it over and over again into the ground until buttons fall off and one entire side is broken and cracked. It's then the reality and shame crawls in, so thick that I am frozen. Shit. Now what did I just do?

Lucky for me and everyone else, it was my own controller that I destroyed. Korg kindly saved one for me before I even arrived from New York. 

Feeling miserable, I stomp to the bathroom, staring at myself. I'm rather taken aback by my own reflection. My shirt barely fits me anymore, and my toned abs have been buried underneath a small potbelly. My face has filled out, and my beard is long and tangled. I can't even remember the last time I brushed or washed my hair. 

Making a decision, I gather clean clothes, undress in the bathroom, and step into the shower. I sigh in pleasure as the hot water runs over my body, washing away the grime. I shampoo my hair, scrub my skin, even brush my teeth. I feel much better once I dry my hair, and I manage a tiny smile in the mirror.

My smile fades, though, once I leave the bathroom in clean clothes and see what a mess my bedroom is. I try to clean, but I'm so overwhelmed I sink onto the floor amongst the piles of laundry and chip bags, groaning. "I can't do this."

When my stomach growls, I find leftover mozzarella sticks and heat them up, relieved that I haven't become so hopeless that I can no longer use the microwave. Two bowls of cereal later, I'm snacking on poptarts as I watch some anime Loki is obsessed with. When the power flickers and then the TV shuts off, I sigh and curl up under my blanket. 

I'm watching a tornado documentary when the front door opens, and Korg and Loki and Miek appear, holding grocery bags. I slowly get off the couch, trying to help them put everything away. I misplace a few things, but when Korg tells me good job and Loki flashes me a smile, I begin to feel something other then crushing sorrow for once. 

When I rip into a bag of gummy candy, Loki says with eyes on the TV, "Heimdall said he wants to visit."

I stop shoving candy in my mouth. "Tell him he's very welcome. I'll even save him a beer."

Loki looks surprised. "I thought you'd be annoyed."

I shrug. "I have not seen him in quite some time. And I want to hear firsthand how it is that he managed to survive Thanos."

Their fingers reach out to my head. "Your hair looks clean."

I smile, genuinely. "I actually took a shower, Loki. All by myself."

They grin. "I knew you could do it. I bet it felt great."

I nod, embarrassed when my eyes tear up. "It did."