OBSCURE

19.

Even if I can't have it, it's enough for me
가질 수 없다 해도 난 족해

Foolish fate, curse at me
바보 같은 운명아 나를 욕해

Memories are shattering like dried flower petals

추억들이 마른 꽃잎처럼 산산이 부서져 가

At my fingertips, beneath my feet, behind your running back
내 손끝에서, 내 발밑에서, 달려가는 네 등 뒤로

~Run(Youth), Bts

Wind was swiftly making its move giving a small gush to the leaves , withered ones falling from their branches, swirling and gently settling themselves on the ground, the last place of solace to end their journey of growth. Y/n was standing infront of the iron gates, car headlights the only source of light present.

Her fists were clenched,trying hard to subdue the inner hurricane inside her, feeling the heavy heart weighing more then anything, she was trying to normalise her breaths, just focusing on breathing and she would be fine, no matter what, the courage it takes she has to do it. Heaving a mouthful of breath from her lips, her closed eyes finally opened and looked over the place she was in, her brain recalling the memories this place held, her heart taking the leap of burden those memories brought.

She went back to the passenger seat, opened the door and picked a beautiful bouquet adorned with peach roses, they were whole of fifty to sixty roses, all peach. She held them firmly with her hands and closed the door, leaving the car key in and letting the only source of light guide her ahead. She reached near the gate, an arm supporting the bouquet, other one placing at the gate.

Her fingers touched the cold metal sending a shiver, her hands trembling a little, yet she just focused on her breaths, her eyes determined, an expression of nothingness in them. Jerking the metal door , breaking the calm anonymous silence which was scattered in the atmosphere.Screeching sound of metal made her ears as she applied some force to open the door, hanged vines breaking off from the force.

She lifted he head to look up, a dark pathway ahead. Concrete stones were covered with fallen leaves , a terrestrial coral growing on them, it was evident that everything was untouched since. Silence was intensifying the further she was walking ahead on the path,sound of crunching leaves making its way in the silence with every step, just she was only hearing her own thumping heart, there was no silence inside her, it was a hurricane of emotion building up.

Dark was slowly enveloping everything, the starry sky from earlier getting covered with dark clouds ready to befall on earth grounds. Her eyes adjusting to the darkness, the bouquet of peach flower throwing a dim illuminating glow on her face. The stone pathway lead her to a tarnished cabinet build around a large  Cheewhat Giant, the cabinet was like a summer holiday destination, build around a giant tree with wood, at the moment wildlife covering it, hiding its past glory of being a home.

Her heart skipped a bit after seeing the thing infront of her, her tears threatening to fall, just her controlling leading her eyes to turn a color of red.This was once registered as the most happiest memory of her life now only giving her the clench in the heart. She stood there contemplating to move forward or not, her inner in a mess, her outer controlling the hell of emotions. 

Suddenly the dark enveloping around turned into the summer, summer from twenty years ago, she was just five then her life bliss the radiating summer winds and warmth, her head filling up the long lost forgotten memories "Aigoo, my baby, come to mumma."

"Dane Gracia! you don't get to steal my girl from me, I love her more than you"The warm voice spoke in her, it was happy full of giggles, the vice which sent solace to her heart."She is my girl more than you."voice of the man, she remembered her father, spoke, a laugh escaping her lips while swirling the little five year old y/n in his hands, the women scolding him from the cabinet kitchen.

"Eomma look I plucked your favourite rose from the far." her small self said to her mother, she smiled kissed her temple and said,"It's dangerous little one." y/n replied."but you love them and I want you to always see smiling, your smile is beautiful." after hearing to her , her mother naturally radiated the brightest smile ever, the smile imprinted in her heart.

Cold winter covered the radiating summer, it was fifteen years ago, the thick snow covering the place, weather potraiting the gloomy grey around, cold gushing wind slapping the windows of cabinet inside. The warm blood her hands were covered with felt more cold than the winds outside, her dress covered in red, her little brain scared to the hell.

Her Eomma, holding her infront of her, the blood covered hands tracing the little ones face, covering her in the red, the warm smile on her face,"y/n my child, no matter what you have to live , live for me, for my soul which lives in you, I love you smally" The smile radiating the warmth, yet her eyes covered in tears, ten year old y/n watching her eomma taking her last breaths, her ten year old self, in a mess unable to save her mother, unable to save her future, it was worst, the feeling covered in her blood, looking her smile with tears at her for the last time is was dreadful, the worst memory imprinted in her life.

The blood.

That smile.

That words from her, the only reason for being alive.

It will be the last goodbye.