Total Opposites | Cairo & CC

Chapter Eight - hostage

Cairo - Chapter Eight - hostage

Song Choice: hostage by Billie Eilish

* tw for this chapter *

I knew I shouldn't have abandoned Walker like that, but the reference to Henry Miller made me think of my old teacher, and I could feel that I was on the verge of a panic attack just thinking about it. It was almost a year ago, already, when all of that happened, but I still hadn't really recovered. Winnie eventually came around and we became friends again, but that wasn't until the end of second semester of senior year, or just a few months ago. It was hard, and honestly, really isolating. It took everything in me to maintain my grades at school. When I wasn't doing school, I was smoking, or getting high, or getting drunk, and I hardly left the house. The court case was absolute hell on earth. Miller's lawyer attacked me from all angles, saying that I instigated it and brought it on myself. And while I am the one that came up with the idea to try to seduce him, he shouldn't have given into it, at least not according to my lawyer. My lawyer eventually won, successfully framing me to look like an innocent, young teenage female victim of a sexual predator, but I knew the truth. I knew the looks I received in the hallway the rest of the year were simply looks of pure hatred towards me, I knew that was why my parents stopped with the few calls I would receive from them, why Winnie stopped talking to me for a time. It was incredibly, incredibly lonely, and though I often preferred solitude, I found myself yearning for effortless human connection.

It was when I accidentally burned my hand lighting a cigarette that I realized that I could use physical pain to distract myself from the emotional. And so it began, in all those months of pure, desolate isolation, to burn after lighting a cigarette. Burn until I bled, burn until the taste of tobacco filled my mouth from when I had bit down on the cigarette in it, rather than cry out from the pain I was feeling. Eventually, the emotional numbness escalated into physical, and it was hardly an escape anymore, no matter how long I held the lighter there.

As I made my way back to my dorm, I sent Winnie a quick, "Hey" text, needing someone to talk to about how I was feeling, and I wasn't about to tell Walker, whom I had practically just met. And considering Walker was the only person I had talked to since getting here, she and Winnie were my only options.

Arriving at the dorm and taking the elevator to the tenth floor, I checked my phone to see if Winnie had replied. She hadn't, but I did see a fair amount of texts from Walker.

Hey, you okay? Was first, followed by,

Did I say something that upset you?

I'm sorry.

I'm here if you want to talk. And lastly,

Okay, I'll give you some space. If you need a friend, I'm here.

I wish I hadn't blown her off. Stupid me with my stupid trauma bullshit. Winnie still hadn't responded.

The elevator came to a stop with a ding, and I quickly made my way to my room, 1007. I shut the door behind me, tossed my bag and jacket carelessly on the floor, and grabbed my lighter from my nightstand.

Sitting in the corner, I rolled up my sleeve until I was left with bare skin in front of me and I clicked on the lighter.

Watching as the skin blistered and began to bleed, I clicked the lighter off and checked the time, 10:45. I knew I wasn't going to be going to the rest of my classes today. Call it a mental health day. Winnie still hadn't responded, and I felt tears pool in my eyes, as much as I tried to fight it.

As I lost the battle with the tears in my eyes, which began to steadily stream down my face, I found myself going to Walker's messages, and pressing "share my location indefinitely", and hitting send. I don't really know what came over me, but I knew I needed someone before the intrusive thoughts took over and I hurt myself more than I already had.

Instantly, my phone lit up with a notification.

I'll be there in five.