I Need You

I Want Answers

Chapter -Seven

Toni was shocked by the words that escaped Janet's lips, the disbelief hitting even harder because Toni had always trusted and cherished Janet more than anything else. It was unfathomable to Toni how Janet could believe that Toni didn't love her. Toni contemplated for a moment, convinced she had made the most selfless decision a person could make for someone they loved. Toni believed she had made the right decision to protect Janet from the pain of being hurt in the long run. Didn't she?

Toni—Janet, I cannot believe you just said that. It's unfair that you would accuse me of not loving you, Janet. You meant everything to me, she said with tears in her eyes.

Janet- Tell me, Toni. Did you not trust me enough, or better yet, did you not love me enough to let me know what was happening with you?

Toni looked up at Janet with fire in her eyes.

Toni- I did what I did, Janet because I love you, she shouted at her. I was trying to protect you from a life of pain and disappointment, Janet.

Janet- Toni, I call bull-shit. Why are you protecting me? What you did was break my heart into a million pieces. You never once opened up your mouth and said you were sick. You said, I quote. "I no longer have any desire for you or this relationship." I want this relationship to be over." That's what you said to me, Toni. I remember every fucking word you said to me that night. I have lived that damn nightmare every fucking morning for the past three years. She screamed at Toni with so much venom in her tone and fire in her eyes.

Toni- Janet, I apologize for the pain I've caused you. When I made the difficult decision to end our relationship, I believed it was the best course of action given my health condition. I was trying to protect you from the emotional and practical challenges of caring for me. I hope you understand that I intend to prioritize your well-being and happiness. I realized you would have made significant sacrifices to support me, and I didn't want to burden you that way. Let's have an open and truthful conversation about this, Jan.

Janet- Toni, I understand what you were trying to do, and I thank you for that, but that was not a decision you should have made. I'm an adult, Toni, and I can decide what I want to do with my life, and you are right. I would have dropped every fucking thinking to be by your side because I loved you, Toni, and that's what you do for people you love. You make sacrifices. You denied me the right to decide to be there for the woman I love.

Janet was beyond pissed the fuck off at the moment. Toni must have forgotten that a relationship has two people in it. There is no way she should have decided to end our relationship the way she did. Her lame ass excuse is she was trying to protect me. I do not want to hear that shit because the way she ended our relationship hurt beyond anything I have ever felt before, Janet thought with tears in her eyes. Janet stood up from her seated position on Toni's side and started to pace the room.

Janet- Do you know what life is like, Toni, without you?

Toni- No, she says, shaking her head.

Janet- Toni. Life has been a fucking hell without the one person I thought was always going to be a permanent fixture in my life. Toni, you were the only person in my life whom I thought I could truly count on and depend on. I just knew without a shadow of a doubt that you and I were in this for the long haul.

Toni felt like complete and utter shit hearing how Janet trusted me and counted on me to be a constant fixture in her life, and I just left her to fend for herself all alone. I never wanted Janet to be hurt because of me. I wanted her to live a life filled with love and happiness, but now, having this conversation with Janet, I think I may have made the biggest mistake of my life.