Being trapped in a self destructing body is grueling. Not only is it knowing that you can't get out, but also the feeling of knowing you are stuck where you are. The walls around you are crumbling and only you are able to build them back up, and sometimes you can't even do that.
It's an endless loop of torture you desperately don't want to endure but ultimately it's pointless fighting. Being trapped is a scary feeling, because sometimes, you never get out. You never get the relief you want. The relief you need. And for the rest of your life you're there, you will be stuck there.
"Siobhan, look at me, focus on me." Someone grasped onto my hand and squeezed them tight in theirs. With the little remaining strength I have, I lift my head to see who is sat next to me.
Marjorie.
I go to speak but my throat closes up, my achy body is betraying me once again. Out of embarrassment I instinctively turn my head away, avoiding eye contact in fear of being perceived as weak and fragile, broken and demoralised. But she doesn't let me, her hand gently places itself on my cheek and guides my head to face towards hers, making me maintain eye contact with her. "Siobhan, focus on me. Only me, nothing else."
I listen, for the first time, I listen to Marjorie. She walks me through how to breathe once more, and after about what seems like forever, my breathing steadies and my heart rate slows down, the beating is now bearable and doesn't feel like it's going to escape my body. She wraps her arm around me in a comforting way, I can sense she is either uncomfortable or unsure, but she knows I need it. Comfort. Something that no one has ever been able or bothered to give me, and finally having it feels strange. It helps, but I also want to run away, hit her arm off me, tell her to leave me alone and mind her business and walk away. Put my barricades up and act like this didn't happen, return to my cold and sharp demeanor.
I let her hug me. The little girl who never got loved feels safe and secure in Marjories arms, and I don't want her to let go, I don't want her to leave me, I want her to help me.
YOU ARE READING
Throat Of Thorns
Fanfiction★Siobhan just seems like this nasty, evil woman, but what if there's something beneath the surface that we don't know? What if there is a reason she acts the way she does? Can she change, or is she stuck miserable forever, destined to be the villain...
