Baba Or Babe?

Cecilia Payne-Gaposchkin.

The weekend was used to regulate Rocco. He was insistent that he doesn't like my boyfriend, and I decided to ask him why.

"I don't have a boyfriend, love, so why don't you like him?"

"I won't like him, will I?"

"You will like him, because he will be very very nice. He'll be nice to me, and to you. I'm sure of it."

"Mommy wasn't nice, was she?"

"Mommy doesn't matter, she's not here and she never will be. Never again."

"I don't like her, do I?"

"No, you don't. I don't either. Is that why you won't like my boyfriend?"

He nodded.

"He won't be like Mommy, he's going to be nice."

"Baba is mine, isn't he?"

"Yes I am. Nobody is going to take me from you. There would just be another person to love us."

"I won't like Baba's boyfriend, will I?"

"You haven't even met him, mainly because he doesn't exist yet. How do you know? How can you be so sure?"

"I don't like to share, do I?"

"Sharing is a part of life, you share the popcorn when it's movie night. You share your pens with Mo and Jana when they come to our house. You do lots of sharing."

Rocco was finally quiet.

"Rocco, baby, I love you. A lot. It's almost impossible how much I love you. Nothing can change that, nobody can change that. If I was to get a boyfriend, I wouldn't love you less, I'd just have more love to give. Nobody would go without. You would have more love in your life, and that's a good thing." I held his hands so he would focus on me.

"Albert Einstein?"

"Theory of relativity. You need to listen to me. Rocco would not be loved less. Rocco would have more love, you would finally have two parents who loved you more than anything in this universe."

"Edwin Hubble. First of January 1925."

"He realised the universe was expanding- yes. The love you experience will expand. Life expands. You were just a little dot, 8 and half months before you were born. Then you grew, like the universe after the Big Bang. You grew bigger and bigger until you were just big enough for me to hold, and you've carried on getting bigger. That happens with life too, your life will get bigger, and better. More people will come into your life and make it better."

Rocco nodded along.

"I think you will like my boyfriend, when I find someone who likes me enough. I will make sure of it. You get a big say in who comes into our lives."

"I might like Baba's boyfriend, maybe?"

"I hope so."

"I might not like Baba's boyfriend, maybe?"

"I hope not."

"Rosalyn Yalow?"

"Uhh...nuclear physicist?" I guessed as I racked my brains.

"Developed radioimmunoassay."

"I was right, sort of. What is radio- however you say it?"

"It's used to track small concentrations of substances in the body. She used it to determine what caused type two diabetes."

"Oh, wow. Okay. Cool, you taught me something today." I chuckled quietly.

"Your turn."

"Riccardo Rattazzi?"

"Quantum field theory. Next."

"You want me to keep going until you don't know?"

Rocco nodded, and I began to list. There were times I thought I had won, only to prove he knows more than I do. I am very glad that we share this passion for physics, even if I encouraged it to no end. Twenty two minutes later, and many changes to the rules, I finally found her.

"Cecilia Payne-Gaposchkin?"

"Umm...something with...an element. Helium?"

"Yes, but no. She disproved that Helium was the most abundant element in..?"

"Stars. It's actually Hydrogen, isn't it?"

"Yes. She discovered that Hydrogen is the most common element in stars, which means she discovered the most common element in the universe: Hydrogen."

"Damn Cecilia. I knew that too."

"It's always good to relearn. Better to get it wrong now rather than later when we'll be the father-son duo of physics."

That made Rocco laugh.

"Did you tell me that one before?" Rocco questioned.

"I might have? I've told you a lot of things, sometimes it's hard to remember."

"Will Baba's boyfriend know about physics?"

"He might? It depends. I'll let you know once he exists."

"I can tell him about it all."

"I'm sure he'd love to hear it, and if he knows a little bit about physics, maybe you could learn something."

"That's a funny joke."

I kissed his head as he relaxed into me. I pulled him onto my lap and leaned against the wall as he lay back.

"Baba, are you definitely going to have a boyfriend?"

"At some point, yes. Why?"

"When you go on dates with him, can I go to Jamie's house?"

"I uh- sure, as long as Jamie says it's okay. I'm sure he will, he loves you."

"I think that I won't see Baba's boyfriend for ages."

"That's okay. I don't want him to meet you until I know for certain that he is perfect."

"I don't want to talk about boyfriends anymore."

"Neither do I."

I messaged Nathan about this newfound peace concerning Rocco and him. Not that he's my boyfriend, not yet at least. Nathan was happy, and so was I. I decided not to press Rocco on the conversation, but to allow him to come to me. That way, the conversation is his and he can come to his own conclusions. Nathan and I made plans to see each other before the week was over as Nathan was going to Nigeria next week and would have to be extremely careful. I don't quite understand why he would willingly go to a place so homophobic, but I go to Lebanon every Eid to celebrate and see my Teta. I don't think I get to judge him, because at least he hasn't told his child to bare face lie to his great-grandmother about his father's marital status.