Where The Wild Things Are // Ryan Blaney

Chapter Five

Willow

The high - if you want to call it that, I prefer the term low - of my brother's passing wore off quickly for everyone else. To me, it still hurt. Nights became terrible, especially after the girls were asleep and I was lost in my thoughts. The missing him heart ache, remembering the last conversation we had, and not realizing it was the last. 

It was strange. How do you move on from something so catastrophic in life? Every time I think of what new memory is happening, I know my brother won't be here to witness it. My future boyfriends - if I ever put myself out there -, my wedding - again, got to complete that first one -, and even kids. He would never meet my children. He never would fulfill being an uncle, like he had wanted. 

None of the support groups or messages helped to relieve the pressure of grief on my chest from the ever-present mindset of these thoughts. I was always at a constant war within myself, fighting tears and letting them consume me. The girls have been the only thing helping me fight the war. If it wasn't for them I would have stayed in bed and wallowed in tears until they caused a migraine. 

I wasn't sure if I was glad to see fewer messages every morning on my phone, or if I was slowly wondering if everyone had already moved on. Life seemed to work that way. While my world had slowly fallen apart, everyone else walked the streets without a care. I knew I couldn't allow myself to be caught in the darkness that grief held. It was too easy for me to stay in the constant sorrow. I had to push myself out of bed every morning and put on a happy face for Piper and Poppy, even though they were going through the phases of missing their daddy like we all were. It just wasn't fair for them or for any of us.

Poppy had screamed for Robbie one evening, crying and making herself sick which then caused Piper to join in crying and not wanting to sleep. 

So at two am, I sat in bed with two screaming girls, tears running down all of our faces as we all desperately wanted someone who wasn't coming back.

Josie had been a great help in the last few days. While my parents and I took care of legal things, she would watch the girls. The last time I picked them up from her house, she was having a movie marathon of Disney classics. I insisted that we stay long enough to see the end of WALL-E, because it was my absolute favorite. It helped me to forget all of the craziness going on around us.

I couldn't have asked for a better friend. She'd done amazing to drop everything to help in my time of need.

My parents and I were able to talk about the estate of Robbie's estate. The house would be deeded to me, as made official in his Will. Much to my surprise. I had no idea Robbie was this well prepared, and it made some form of doubt creep into my mind if he felt like something would happen. I knew that when his marriage ended he wanted to start clean so he had a New Testament drawn up, but this one was much newer. Done just around the time he got into a relationship with Tamyrn.

I didn't want to connect any dots too soon, but it didn't make sense why he would do a thing without saying anything to me.

Said widowed girlfriend, Tamryn hadn't been very vocal since Robbie's passing. The last I spoke to her was when I got home from Atlanta, and then only saw her at the funeral days later. She hadn't even come over to help me move into the house or collect her things out of his room. It was as if she completely ghosted us. 

"Aunt Wills, where's Jos?" Piper said, jolting me back to reality. Her small neck craned from her car seat, watching the scenery around her when I pulled into the parking lot at work and not my best friend's driveway, as I had told the girls before leaving. It was my first day back to work and Josie was called into work two minutes before I pulled into her driveway.